The kids I might have

I just read a bunch of dooce and I recalled why I like her so much. She's real and although she's not a Christian (I know what you're thinking- seriously, why do I love satan so much?) she has a lot of great things to say. And every month, she writes an update letter to her daughter Leta about being a parent and how cool this 4-year-old is. I think this idea is the shizzle. She talks about how maybe (probably, definitely) her daughter will despise her one day for doing this, but how much more good it does than damage. And I've decided. I'm going to chronicle my kids.

Caleb and I have long ongoing discussions about kids. We both want them, but the method is in question. He's got his heart set on having kids the old fashioned way. Not me. There are so many reasons I want to adopt. I won't go into them now, but I feel very convicted about this. However, the things I feel very convicted about are changing almost daily, so we'll see. But also, our reason for wanting kids is different.

I think he wants them because it will be cool to have playmates. Wow! Another person that just wants to have fun all the time? Awesome!

I'm much more disenchanted. Sure, there will be good times, but somehow they will be squashed in between sleepless nights and crappy diapers and vomit all over my last clean shirt and wait I just picked up the living room that doesn't mean you can bring more of your toys out and potty training and mommy I'm hungry and how come he gets to go and I can't and I hate school and meetings with teachers because he stapled a girl's hair to the back of her chair and why didn't you do your homework and mommy what's sex and i hate you and you suck and don't use that language and no you're not leaving the house looking like that and maybe you should spend less time with those friends and what do you mean you want a car for your sixteenth birthday and you have to understand that guys only want one thing and no you can't get married because you're still my baby. (That may have been the longest run-on sentence ever). Is it worth it? I know all parents say that it is. But really, they're just saying that because they want you to hurry up and give them grandkids so that they can spoil them rotten to make up for all the grief you gave them. So I think maybe they're biased.

On the other hand, there's something incredibly appealing to me about giving it a shot. About having a chance to bring up the next generation. About being the primary influence in someone's life.

So I'll do it, don't get me wrong. And when my kids ask me if it's worth it, I'll chuckle evilly to myself and say, "Of course it is. So? Grandkids?"

In the mean time before I become a parent and while I'm still idealistic, I'm making a list of things I want to make sure to do when I'm a mom. It's not by any means complete. I will add to it as I go and I might change a few things too. But here it is:

1. Be careful what we say/ how we talk about people. I want my children to grow up in a home where they learn love for all people.

2. Kids should be exposed to our disagreements and how we deal with them. If not, they won't know how to disagree healthily on their own.

3. Let them work out things on their own- they need to learn how to resolve conflicts.

4. Convey a general attitude of respect and love toward all people.

5. Be polite to our children. Say please and thank you. Treat them with kindness.

6. Tell our kids often how cool they are and how awesome it is that God brought them into our family.

Much of this is inspired by my family and how I observe other families behaving. Some of it is very reactionary to things I've seen, and some of it is based on the things I think parents over the years have done right. But I'm no expert.