Dear Seda,
First, thank you for linking to my blog. I'm always excited when someone likes my blog and adds it. When that someone is one from the exact opposite side of any sort of spectrum, I get even more excited. I love how the internet unifies the world in a way we never imagined possible.
Now, to answer your question. You read my blog about Christians being set apart and said, "When I read sentences like this, I feel scared. I have needs for safety and community that aren't met. Would you be willing to tell me what you hear when I say this? Would you be willing to listen when I tell you why?"
Everything that I do must be done under the base assumption that I am a Christian. As a Christian, I have a duty and obligation-- even a privilege-- to listen when someone wants to talk. I have the duty/privilege to love them regardless of how much we disagree (it can sometimes be harder to love other Christians than those who aren't!).
So, when you tell me that you have needs for safety and community that aren't met, I can only sympathize. A lot of times, my needs for safety and community aren't met either. For me, I realize that this is because I'm looking to other people to meet my need for safety when i should be relying only on God as my source.
As for community, I have to approach the issue differently. This does rely on other people and I have to be involved with them in order to experience community. So what to do when that need goes unmet?
I've learned that community is often what you put into it. If I'm sitting on my couch watching reruns of "The Office", of course my need for community is going to be unmet. I'm not saying that is is what you're doing by any means. I am saying that you can't expect community to come to you. You have to create it. Finding a group of people with similar interests and passions can provide this.
But I'm not living in a perfect bubble. I know that you can get excluded. I know that from experience. I know that sometimes you can feel alone in a huge group. Because you feel like no one truly understands you. Like no one cares the least bit about what you're going through or what you think or how you're doing. Because deep down, in the most fundamental level of personality, you're different. And that's not easy.
So please, let's continue this dialogue. Why do you feel scared?
I'm here.
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Monday, August 11, 2008
My Favorite Thing About Kids
In my family, we're all very analytical. This means we spend a good portion of our time trying to avoid the fact that emotions actually exist in the world around us. We figure it makes life a lot easier if we don't have to deal with that crap.
But what I love about kids is the intensity with which they experience emotion. It's the full range, from jumping-up-and-down joy to tear-your-heart-out sadness.
I remember when we first got our dog Max. We'd had him for approximately 3 days. I was babysitting at the time and Peter was maybe three or four years old. Anyway, the dog got out of the yard and I ran around a bit looking for him. But I couldn't leave the house because David was napping and you generally don't leave a 2- and a 4-year-old alone for any length of time. But I had to tell Peter that the dog was gone because he was asking me why I was running around. He helped me call for Max from the front porch for a bit, and then he just sat down on the steps and started crying.
"I miss Max," he said with such conviction that I started crying too. Not because I missed the dog- I'd experienced many runaway dogs in my day- but rather because there was exactly nothing that I could do to make it better.
P.S. This is why I'm such a weirdo.
But what I love about kids is the intensity with which they experience emotion. It's the full range, from jumping-up-and-down joy to tear-your-heart-out sadness.
I remember when we first got our dog Max. We'd had him for approximately 3 days. I was babysitting at the time and Peter was maybe three or four years old. Anyway, the dog got out of the yard and I ran around a bit looking for him. But I couldn't leave the house because David was napping and you generally don't leave a 2- and a 4-year-old alone for any length of time. But I had to tell Peter that the dog was gone because he was asking me why I was running around. He helped me call for Max from the front porch for a bit, and then he just sat down on the steps and started crying.
"I miss Max," he said with such conviction that I started crying too. Not because I missed the dog- I'd experienced many runaway dogs in my day- but rather because there was exactly nothing that I could do to make it better.
P.S. This is why I'm such a weirdo.
Monday, July 21, 2008
Cool Comments
I just want to say that I so much enjoy getting comments from people who I don't actually know! It's fun and I love having that connection with the world. I'd really like to know (if you're not one of my at-home friends) how you stumbled across my blog, just for the heck of it...
Sunday, July 20, 2008
True Religious Education
I've been typing exams recently and wondering why we allow our children to be taught the crap that they learn in school, especially high school.
In science, they learn about “theories” of origin and then pick one in order to teach the rest of the curriculum. That's not science- it's assumption. It's a big game of “let's pretend”.
In history, they learn about white man's oppression. Oppression of Native Americans, of Africans, of women, of Hispanics.... of everyone. That's not history- it's propaganda.
I could go on, but it's on another issue that I want to focus my thoughts: religion.
I disagree with most people in that I believe religion should be taught in school. But before you start thinking about how you're going to argue with me, let me make my point.
What most people consider Religious Education is actually what I would call “indoctrination”. Now, I realize that this word has a rather bad rapport among most people. We hear “indoctrination” and we see images of uniform-clad, goose-stepping youth. We think that being indoctrinated means losing part of your identity or your ability to think. But indoctrination can be a very valuable tool in a family. In fact, I think it's part of our duty as parents to indoctrinate our children. I'll get back to this point in a minute.
First, I want to address what I think real religious education should be. I admit that I am an idealist and that this will probably never happen. But one can dream.
The educational establishment has failed us by convincing us that all religions are bunk (besides the teachers' pet religion of the 20th century: naturalism, or the current favorite: environmentalism). The church has also failed us (all churches have, mind you) in its educational approach of telling us that all religions except the one that they deign to ascribe to are wrong, or even stupid. The church makes fun of other religions because not everyone believes what we believe.
What the public school system should do is offer a complete look at all major religious systems: monotheism, polytheism, pantheism, atheism... etc. We can track historically the development of the major religious movements of today and investigate what different religions have in common.
For example: Most religious systems include some kind of higher being whose standard must be met in order to please him/her. The individual has to perform certain acts or live a specific lifestyle in order to please the god. The exception here is environmentalism, where Nature is the god, and the way to appease this deity is to do nothing.
I think kids would benefit about learning how Buddhism rose as a reaction to the polytheistic tendencies of Hinduism, how Christianity is an offshoot of Judaism, and how Naturalism has roots in the truth-seeking quandaries of the Greeks, who are generally acknowledged to have been polytheists.
But people are concerned that kids will be taught the wrong thing. And that's where family and the church come in. It's our responsibility to “indoctrinate” our children- to teach them the fundamentals of what we believe and why we believe it. And why we don't believe what those people believe. The answer is not that “those people are stupid” but rather that they have a different world view than we do. They believe something different about God.
My point, really, is this: if all truth is God's truth, then all religions must basically be rooted in that truth. Nothing can possibly be “all lies” because lies are in their very nature a distortion of the truth. There must be a basis of truth in everything. So the value in learning about other religions, then, is that we might be able to learn from them.
Naturalism can teach us to use the senses God gave us to learn about the world around us.
Environmentalism can show us value for God's creation and remind us that we are to be good stewards of the earth.
Buddhism can remind us that we were once much greater beings and all too often focus on our fallen state, who we are, than who we were or can be.
Islam and Judaism can teach us that even though we might not feel like we have faith, just going through the motions can get us through dry spells.
Even Atheism can teach us- it shows clearly the ultimate eternal futility of a life without God.
I know that the educational system is corrupt. I know that no matter how hard we try to keep it objective, we will never achieve a truly fair teaching of the religious systems. But wouldn't it be nice if, instead of teaching our kids to ridicule those who think differently, we taught them to respect and love all people?
PS- Check out what it means to be "called to be an apostle".
In science, they learn about “theories” of origin and then pick one in order to teach the rest of the curriculum. That's not science- it's assumption. It's a big game of “let's pretend”.
In history, they learn about white man's oppression. Oppression of Native Americans, of Africans, of women, of Hispanics.... of everyone. That's not history- it's propaganda.
I could go on, but it's on another issue that I want to focus my thoughts: religion.
I disagree with most people in that I believe religion should be taught in school. But before you start thinking about how you're going to argue with me, let me make my point.
What most people consider Religious Education is actually what I would call “indoctrination”. Now, I realize that this word has a rather bad rapport among most people. We hear “indoctrination” and we see images of uniform-clad, goose-stepping youth. We think that being indoctrinated means losing part of your identity or your ability to think. But indoctrination can be a very valuable tool in a family. In fact, I think it's part of our duty as parents to indoctrinate our children. I'll get back to this point in a minute.
First, I want to address what I think real religious education should be. I admit that I am an idealist and that this will probably never happen. But one can dream.
The educational establishment has failed us by convincing us that all religions are bunk (besides the teachers' pet religion of the 20th century: naturalism, or the current favorite: environmentalism). The church has also failed us (all churches have, mind you) in its educational approach of telling us that all religions except the one that they deign to ascribe to are wrong, or even stupid. The church makes fun of other religions because not everyone believes what we believe.
What the public school system should do is offer a complete look at all major religious systems: monotheism, polytheism, pantheism, atheism... etc. We can track historically the development of the major religious movements of today and investigate what different religions have in common.
For example: Most religious systems include some kind of higher being whose standard must be met in order to please him/her. The individual has to perform certain acts or live a specific lifestyle in order to please the god. The exception here is environmentalism, where Nature is the god, and the way to appease this deity is to do nothing.
I think kids would benefit about learning how Buddhism rose as a reaction to the polytheistic tendencies of Hinduism, how Christianity is an offshoot of Judaism, and how Naturalism has roots in the truth-seeking quandaries of the Greeks, who are generally acknowledged to have been polytheists.
But people are concerned that kids will be taught the wrong thing. And that's where family and the church come in. It's our responsibility to “indoctrinate” our children- to teach them the fundamentals of what we believe and why we believe it. And why we don't believe what those people believe. The answer is not that “those people are stupid” but rather that they have a different world view than we do. They believe something different about God.
My point, really, is this: if all truth is God's truth, then all religions must basically be rooted in that truth. Nothing can possibly be “all lies” because lies are in their very nature a distortion of the truth. There must be a basis of truth in everything. So the value in learning about other religions, then, is that we might be able to learn from them.
Naturalism can teach us to use the senses God gave us to learn about the world around us.
Environmentalism can show us value for God's creation and remind us that we are to be good stewards of the earth.
Buddhism can remind us that we were once much greater beings and all too often focus on our fallen state, who we are, than who we were or can be.
Islam and Judaism can teach us that even though we might not feel like we have faith, just going through the motions can get us through dry spells.
Even Atheism can teach us- it shows clearly the ultimate eternal futility of a life without God.
I know that the educational system is corrupt. I know that no matter how hard we try to keep it objective, we will never achieve a truly fair teaching of the religious systems. But wouldn't it be nice if, instead of teaching our kids to ridicule those who think differently, we taught them to respect and love all people?
PS- Check out what it means to be "called to be an apostle".
Tuesday, July 08, 2008
Monday, July 07, 2008
The kids I might have
I just read a bunch of dooce and I recalled why I like her so much. She's real and although she's not a Christian (I know what you're thinking- seriously, why do I love satan so much?) she has a lot of great things to say. And every month, she writes an update letter to her daughter Leta about being a parent and how cool this 4-year-old is. I think this idea is the shizzle. She talks about how maybe (probably, definitely) her daughter will despise her one day for doing this, but how much more good it does than damage. And I've decided. I'm going to chronicle my kids.
Caleb and I have long ongoing discussions about kids. We both want them, but the method is in question. He's got his heart set on having kids the old fashioned way. Not me. There are so many reasons I want to adopt. I won't go into them now, but I feel very convicted about this. However, the things I feel very convicted about are changing almost daily, so we'll see. But also, our reason for wanting kids is different.
I think he wants them because it will be cool to have playmates. Wow! Another person that just wants to have fun all the time? Awesome!
I'm much more disenchanted. Sure, there will be good times, but somehow they will be squashed in between sleepless nights and crappy diapers and vomit all over my last clean shirt and wait I just picked up the living room that doesn't mean you can bring more of your toys out and potty training and mommy I'm hungry and how come he gets to go and I can't and I hate school and meetings with teachers because he stapled a girl's hair to the back of her chair and why didn't you do your homework and mommy what's sex and i hate you and you suck and don't use that language and no you're not leaving the house looking like that and maybe you should spend less time with those friends and what do you mean you want a car for your sixteenth birthday and you have to understand that guys only want one thing and no you can't get married because you're still my baby. (That may have been the longest run-on sentence ever). Is it worth it? I know all parents say that it is. But really, they're just saying that because they want you to hurry up and give them grandkids so that they can spoil them rotten to make up for all the grief you gave them. So I think maybe they're biased.
On the other hand, there's something incredibly appealing to me about giving it a shot. About having a chance to bring up the next generation. About being the primary influence in someone's life.
So I'll do it, don't get me wrong. And when my kids ask me if it's worth it, I'll chuckle evilly to myself and say, "Of course it is. So? Grandkids?"
In the mean time before I become a parent and while I'm still idealistic, I'm making a list of things I want to make sure to do when I'm a mom. It's not by any means complete. I will add to it as I go and I might change a few things too. But here it is:
1. Be careful what we say/ how we talk about people. I want my children to grow up in a home where they learn love for all people.
2. Kids should be exposed to our disagreements and how we deal with them. If not, they won't know how to disagree healthily on their own.
3. Let them work out things on their own- they need to learn how to resolve conflicts.
4. Convey a general attitude of respect and love toward all people.
5. Be polite to our children. Say please and thank you. Treat them with kindness.
6. Tell our kids often how cool they are and how awesome it is that God brought them into our family.
Much of this is inspired by my family and how I observe other families behaving. Some of it is very reactionary to things I've seen, and some of it is based on the things I think parents over the years have done right. But I'm no expert.
Caleb and I have long ongoing discussions about kids. We both want them, but the method is in question. He's got his heart set on having kids the old fashioned way. Not me. There are so many reasons I want to adopt. I won't go into them now, but I feel very convicted about this. However, the things I feel very convicted about are changing almost daily, so we'll see. But also, our reason for wanting kids is different.
I think he wants them because it will be cool to have playmates. Wow! Another person that just wants to have fun all the time? Awesome!
I'm much more disenchanted. Sure, there will be good times, but somehow they will be squashed in between sleepless nights and crappy diapers and vomit all over my last clean shirt and wait I just picked up the living room that doesn't mean you can bring more of your toys out and potty training and mommy I'm hungry and how come he gets to go and I can't and I hate school and meetings with teachers because he stapled a girl's hair to the back of her chair and why didn't you do your homework and mommy what's sex and i hate you and you suck and don't use that language and no you're not leaving the house looking like that and maybe you should spend less time with those friends and what do you mean you want a car for your sixteenth birthday and you have to understand that guys only want one thing and no you can't get married because you're still my baby. (That may have been the longest run-on sentence ever). Is it worth it? I know all parents say that it is. But really, they're just saying that because they want you to hurry up and give them grandkids so that they can spoil them rotten to make up for all the grief you gave them. So I think maybe they're biased.
On the other hand, there's something incredibly appealing to me about giving it a shot. About having a chance to bring up the next generation. About being the primary influence in someone's life.
So I'll do it, don't get me wrong. And when my kids ask me if it's worth it, I'll chuckle evilly to myself and say, "Of course it is. So? Grandkids?"
In the mean time before I become a parent and while I'm still idealistic, I'm making a list of things I want to make sure to do when I'm a mom. It's not by any means complete. I will add to it as I go and I might change a few things too. But here it is:
1. Be careful what we say/ how we talk about people. I want my children to grow up in a home where they learn love for all people.
2. Kids should be exposed to our disagreements and how we deal with them. If not, they won't know how to disagree healthily on their own.
3. Let them work out things on their own- they need to learn how to resolve conflicts.
4. Convey a general attitude of respect and love toward all people.
5. Be polite to our children. Say please and thank you. Treat them with kindness.
6. Tell our kids often how cool they are and how awesome it is that God brought them into our family.
Much of this is inspired by my family and how I observe other families behaving. Some of it is very reactionary to things I've seen, and some of it is based on the things I think parents over the years have done right. But I'm no expert.
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