Have you ever been lost? I was lost. Completely and utterly lost. I had a degree, but nothing useful to do with it. I had friends, but didn't feel particularly close to them- not close enough to open up. I had a boyfriend, but that very quickly proved to be a volatile situation.
So while my state of being may have seemed fairly stable, my internal gauge knew otherwise and six months later my life blew into a complete disarray.
I wasn't going to teach. My friends deserted me. My boyfriend callously broke my heart. I felt so lost. Like I had been going in the right direction and then I took the wrong exit off the freeway. Now I was stranded in East LA with no one to ask for directions and an even bigger void in the realm of people who would listen to my plight.
My white knuckles closed around the steering wheel when THAT song came on. I lost it. Leaning forward and resting my head against the wheel, I began to cry. I cried for hours, sitting there, letting it all eke out slowly. I was a failure.
Failure.
It was a word I'd heard but now it had personal meaning. I should just give up now, I thought. No one will love me. I'm never going to amount to anything. Such a failure, in fact, that I couldn't even pick myself up.
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Five parts are done: two more to go and then we get our resolution! Hoorah!
1 comment:
I thought you were writing from my perspective - this story is a part of my own
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