Moderation wins again.

Usually I like Focus On The Family's "Boundless" Webzine. But lately I've been losing respect for one of their staff writers, and the company theology she seems to promulgate.
In a recent article entitled "Mind the 'Single-Minded' Church," the author discourages churches from creating singles-oriented ministries and encourages them to continue "setting up" singles so that they can marry more quickly.
Never mind for a moment the fact that she pretends to make her article scientific by quoting various sociological researchers at various lofty universities. Never mind that she makes rather vague claims and "supports" them with cut-and-paste quotes that could quite easily have been taken way out of context.

Let's focus on the premise from which she approaches singleness. Over and over, she emphasizes (not just in this article, but also in numerous others) that it's okay to want to get married. Which is fine. I have no problems with that.

But then she often implies that if you have any inclination or desire to get married, then you probably should. This idea is one which has been spread all over the church like wildfire, that if you are meant to be single, you'll have no desire to marry. Ever.
It's another example of just slight hypocrisy in the church. We feel free to tell people getting married that it won't be a cakewalk. "It's going to be hard," we say. "Sometimes, you won't even like the person you're marrying." And so married people are prepared for what's ahead. They know that the road is littered with ruts and big sharp rocks.
But singles are told a different story. We're told, "If you have no desire to marry whatsoever, then (and only then) are you meant to be single." And it is obviously communicated to us (though few people are brash enough to just come out and SAY it) that if we stay single too long:
1) There's something wrong with us, and
2) We might NEVER find someone (I mean, really... you ARE getting older...)

When I was getting ready to come to Kenya, so many of the old ladies in my church said, "Hey, maybe you'll find someone in Africa," with a little wink. Find someone. These ladies didn't know my recent past. They didn't know that in the two years since I'd decided to go to Kenya, I'd had my heard broken twice, dated a couple of real jerks, and had a close friend, heart-torn by a broken engagement, kill himself. They didn't know that I was trying to get AWAY from all this "find someone" business and wanted only to find God in the midst of social pressures.
I came to the wrong place for that, though. African community is rooted in marriage so if you don't marry and start making babies as soon as possible, you're no longer a productive (reproductive?) member of society.

Anyway, Boundless Webzine right out says that "we believe marriage is God's design for most believers," and with that they quote Matthew 19:11-13 but never with any commentary on it. Funny, because I've seen that same passage used to defend the idea that people should stay single if at all possible.

But aside from that, I don't think we need to make such a big deal about singleness. Or marriage. Being able to tolerate either one is a gift from God (The Bible never says- but does imply- that singleness itself is a gift). Wherever you are in life is a gift, and God provides contentment in whatever stage of life we are.

So what's the big deal about wanting to be married? Is that bad?
No, not at all. And the church needs to stop its bickering. Just because you're single now, doesn't mean that you will always be.
I had a friend a while back who, when she was 13, was called into the ministry. But in the vision she had, she was ministering with her husband. So, fourteen years later, she, at 27, was still waiting to start ministry until she found a husband with whom she could minister. For more than half of her life, she had been waiting!
But here's the thing. We're called to wait on the Lord, not on husbands. We're called to ministry, regardless of our current marital status.

What's my solution?
I think the church needs to adopt an ambivalent stance toward marriage. Neither "you should get married" nor "you should stay single." Only God can tell you that anyway. Instead, the attitude of the church should be, "Whatever stage you are right now, how can we help you minister to the best of your abilities?"