We went to see "Slumdog Millionaire" last night. It was one of the best films I've ever seen, and completely fantastic. I mean fantastic in that it was a fantasy-- a sequence of events that would never happen.
A young man, brought up among the very poorest in India, makes his way onto a reality show to find the woman he loves.
It is his deep, fierce, passionate love that breaks my heart, and is the most imaginary aspect of all. It breaks my heart that I will never experience love like that.
See, only beautiful people in movies get that kind of love. The kind that grabs onto you and never lets go. The kind that makes you risk life and limb to be with that one person.
I have honestly never met anyone that much in love. Because that kind of love does not exist.
I run all over the world. I purposely dramatize my life. I create crises, hoping that someday I'll feel that deep-rooted longing, that intense crash of emotion.
But I never will.
I am doomed to live a life dreaming of fairy tales which will never come true.
I truly am content to be single, and I will be single until someone loves me with that kind of love.
Until someone would risk everything for me, I am content with no one.
I hear the lie telling me that the reason I haven't been loved is because I don't deserve it, but that's not true.
The reason no one has love me so violently is that such love does not exist.
I refuse to be like everyone I know-- marrying because it is the next logical step in life.
And so, alone I remain.
Saturday, March 28, 2009
Friday, March 13, 2009
Can I mention that I'm saying this in love?
Correct me if I'm wrong but in my experience, when someone says, “I'm saying this in love,” they almost never are.
Having dealt with people in all ranges of maturity it seems to me that when someone gets angry or hurt, and then they think about it, work through the trampled feelings, and decide the best course is to confront the person responsible, they never say, “I am saying this in love,” because they don't feel the need to convince anyone. Their words and actions are enough without having to cushion the blow.
People say, “I'm saying this in love” for one reason: To make it sound like they are not hurt or angry, but rather looking out for YOUR best interests. They just want you to know that maybe your attitude is not the best. Or that sometimes you need to watch what you say and maybe be a bit more thoughtful toward other people's feelings. They want to sound like the bigger person when, in fact, they are just lashing back at you for stepping on their pride.
So they say something “in love” in order to hide their own wounded emotions. Which is a bunch of bull if you ask me. If you're hurt, just say you're hurt. Don't try to cushion it. Don't pretend you love me when really, you're mad at me right now.
If you actually ARE saying it in love, then your words and actions will show your loving heart and you won't have to reassure me that you are, indeed, being loving.
Reminding me that you're speaking in love just makes you a Pharisee. It's not any different than when they would fast and walk around with drawn cheeks, misery written on their faces, saying “Woe is me! I'm fasting! Pity me!”
When you say, “I'm saying this in love,” what you're really telling me is, “I am being the bigger person here. Look! Watch me be the bigger person! I'm hurt and I'm speaking in love! Pity me! Apologize to me! Make me feel better! You are the one that hurt me and now I'm getting back at you by not lashing out directly but rather passive-aggressively making you feel exactly the way I felt! Yay for me!!!!!”
Which, I'm sure, is exactly what Jesus would do.
Having dealt with people in all ranges of maturity it seems to me that when someone gets angry or hurt, and then they think about it, work through the trampled feelings, and decide the best course is to confront the person responsible, they never say, “I am saying this in love,” because they don't feel the need to convince anyone. Their words and actions are enough without having to cushion the blow.
People say, “I'm saying this in love” for one reason: To make it sound like they are not hurt or angry, but rather looking out for YOUR best interests. They just want you to know that maybe your attitude is not the best. Or that sometimes you need to watch what you say and maybe be a bit more thoughtful toward other people's feelings. They want to sound like the bigger person when, in fact, they are just lashing back at you for stepping on their pride.
So they say something “in love” in order to hide their own wounded emotions. Which is a bunch of bull if you ask me. If you're hurt, just say you're hurt. Don't try to cushion it. Don't pretend you love me when really, you're mad at me right now.
If you actually ARE saying it in love, then your words and actions will show your loving heart and you won't have to reassure me that you are, indeed, being loving.
Reminding me that you're speaking in love just makes you a Pharisee. It's not any different than when they would fast and walk around with drawn cheeks, misery written on their faces, saying “Woe is me! I'm fasting! Pity me!”
When you say, “I'm saying this in love,” what you're really telling me is, “I am being the bigger person here. Look! Watch me be the bigger person! I'm hurt and I'm speaking in love! Pity me! Apologize to me! Make me feel better! You are the one that hurt me and now I'm getting back at you by not lashing out directly but rather passive-aggressively making you feel exactly the way I felt! Yay for me!!!!!”
Which, I'm sure, is exactly what Jesus would do.
Sunday, March 08, 2009
Something I'm incredibly proud of
I was bored so I made these. They are backgrounds. Feel free to use them. I call them, "People Jesus Loves"
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