Can I mention that I'm saying this in love?

Correct me if I'm wrong but in my experience, when someone says, “I'm saying this in love,” they almost never are.

Having dealt with people in all ranges of maturity it seems to me that when someone gets angry or hurt, and then they think about it, work through the trampled feelings, and decide the best course is to confront the person responsible, they never say, “I am saying this in love,” because they don't feel the need to convince anyone. Their words and actions are enough without having to cushion the blow.

People say, “I'm saying this in love” for one reason: To make it sound like they are not hurt or angry, but rather looking out for YOUR best interests. They just want you to know that maybe your attitude is not the best. Or that sometimes you need to watch what you say and maybe be a bit more thoughtful toward other people's feelings. They want to sound like the bigger person when, in fact, they are just lashing back at you for stepping on their pride.

So they say something “in love” in order to hide their own wounded emotions. Which is a bunch of bull if you ask me. If you're hurt, just say you're hurt. Don't try to cushion it. Don't pretend you love me when really, you're mad at me right now.

If you actually ARE saying it in love, then your words and actions will show your loving heart and you won't have to reassure me that you are, indeed, being loving.

Reminding me that you're speaking in love just makes you a Pharisee. It's not any different than when they would fast and walk around with drawn cheeks, misery written on their faces, saying “Woe is me! I'm fasting! Pity me!”

When you say, “I'm saying this in love,” what you're really telling me is, “I am being the bigger person here. Look! Watch me be the bigger person! I'm hurt and I'm speaking in love! Pity me! Apologize to me! Make me feel better! You are the one that hurt me and now I'm getting back at you by not lashing out directly but rather passive-aggressively making you feel exactly the way I felt! Yay for me!!!!!”

Which, I'm sure, is exactly what Jesus would do.