was a most amazing day. D came over and we spent the afternoon taking pictures. It's my grown-up version of playing Barbie, which I never got to do as a child. She's beautiful inside and out. When she talks about the guys she's dated I feel so pathetic. One. That's how many I've dated.
In the evening I went to a birthday party. The people there were a lot like me, most of them. There was one couple... I want to be them someday! SHE is a molecular biologist. HE is a downtown cop. I got to talk to her about the Salk Institute (where she works) and to him about the crime lab at the SDPD. They were amazing. Funny thing, though: they weren't Christians. Yet in the short time I knew them, they had the most loving, fun, and functional relationship I've ever seen. They bragged about each other (out of the other's earshot!). They told stories and made jabs and jokes and corrected each other. They were so content with each other but it was obvious that their relationship was anything but complacent.
No one but D ever reads this, so here goes my secret.
Why I'll Always Be Alone, Reason II:
You know that feeling where you just don't fit? You're a puzzle piece with nowhere to go in the puzzle. Some pieces seem to fit, but it's just not right. You walk into your own home and feel like a stranger. You get sick of jobs very quickly. You want to move every so often.
I believe that some people are meant to be vagrants. You remember those old cowboy stories about the lone man who'd wander into a town, change things for the better, and then ride off into the sunset? Why are there so many of these and yet we refuse to accept that today there can be people like that?
Back in the day, some of those different people (Call them deviants, vagrants, wanderers, whatever) chose to become renegades- icons of the culture. Robin Hood. The Lone Ranger. Zorro. Jesus. The list goes on. These people didn't stay in one place- they moved around, changed lives, shook things up, and went their way.
My secret dream has been to live on a boat. Ah, the solitude. You pull into a port here or there, do what you need to, and pull back out to sea. To see.
So why will I always be alone?
Reason II: I'm a vagrant. Who'll be willing to schlepp all over the place with me?
3 comments:
i love this Kathy - the whole vagrant - missing puzzle piece - while i don't understand because i long for stability and would like to live in one place FOREVER -- a part of me has become a vagrant because of my past -- moving from place to place and as much as i long to rest and be still in one place there is still this corner of my being that whispers discontent --
move move move
it says --
i woudldn't be surprised if you found someone to schlepp around with you ---
thank you for sharing your secret!!! and for communicating so well --
i love you!
you're a very cool vagrant :)
um, Deanne may not really be the only person who reads your blog anymore :) By the way you are an excellent communicator, I think these posts are fascinating, good job. Always know that you are not alone and taht there are others who feel the need to travel as well
Post a Comment