Why I'll always be alone- Reason I.
I've been talking about how disenchanted I am with marriage as an institution and how often people marry the wrong person and are miserable. My counselor asked me to think about the kind of person I'd want to see opposite me in a marriage.
Tonight I met that person. Most girls end up marrying a man much like their father- not me. My dad is the polar opposite of what's attractive to me, personality-wise.
I've known this guy for a while now. Tonight it was made obvious to me- THIS is the type of person I want to spend the rest of my life with.
The problem is that he won't see me. I'll be a friend at best, and acquaintance more likely. But no matter my zeal for God or my sense of humor or my openness to conversation or my tendency to be REAL, I know the type of girl he'll go for.
Sweet, more quiet. Not quite as versed in the Scriptures or in apologetics as he is, but devoted to God and with a blind faith that supercedes all intellect. And quietly pretty.
I'm brusque, opinionated, educated, and probably someone who could challenge him in the deepest way. But banter is good when you don't have to live with the person. I can't change my personality so that this type of guy will see me. I'd be lying to him and, worse, to myself.
So why will I always be alone?
Reason I: I'm myself. Who but God can love that?
1 comment:
You know, I just randomly stumbled across your blog, and even though I know you probably never meant for some stranger to see it, I can't help but wonder if we aren't in the same place. Just when I was feeling so isolated, I read your words and they sound so much like me, so strange. So, all of this to say "hi", I hear you, and oddly enough I'm taking this time to pray for you, a stranger, who I feel closer to right now than most of the friends I have.
God's blessing and comfort,
christina.
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