The 10-20-30 Virus has been cast upon me by Deanne. The goal is to think about where you were 10, 20, and 30 years ago and then tag other people with it. So here goes.
10 years ago it was nearing the end of 1997. I was twelve and it had been the most horrific year of my family's life for reasons which I cannot divulge. Long story short, my stepdad had legally adopted me in April and shortly thereafter (for unrelated reasons) we were forced to leave the Mission where we had served for almost seven years. We (my mom, my brother Peter, then an infant, and me) moved in with a friend at a trailer park while my dad was "away". Yes, we went to visit him. Yes, we wished we could touch our hands across the protective plexiglass. Yes, we wrote letters every day.
I discovered that year my tendency to shut down psychologically when catastrophic events which I cannot comprehend occur. It's happened again once in early 2002 following two nearby school shootings and 9/11. I had a nervous breakdown that summer. One hot afternoon I told my mom that I couldn't handle life anymore and I had to get away. Half an hour later she came into my room and asked if I would like to spend some time in Germany. Her sister had just called and they had worked it out.
So I went to Germany for five weeks, got to know my family, spent time with my biological grandparents. It was amazing. While I was gone, my court-order-delayed new birth certificate came in the mail, with my new dad's name on it, granting me US citizenship.
I homeschooled during that 97-98 year, my first year of high school. I learned a lot of things like: what it really means to love someone, you can't believe everything you read, books shouldn't be left outside when it's going to rain, labradors and peacocks don't mix, real friends stick by you, and it's scary when you start your period for the first time and your mom isn't home.
20 years ago, I was two. My mom had just thrown out her boyfriend, my biological father, and was trying to straighten out her life, which meant that I was getting passed from aunt to uncle to godmother to grandma and back. It was the year that I toppled down a set of stairs in my baby walker, which happens to be my first real memory.
30 years ago, I wasn't so much as a thought. My mom was 13, in high school, and beating up kids for picking on disabled people. She had great aspirations, my mother, and it would be seven years before I would arrive and dash all her hopes against the brick wall of reality. But it would be many more years before I would come to realize that I was not a mistake, not the ruining factor in her life, but rather the saving factor. If not for me, she wouldn't be alive. But that's another story.
P.S. I guess the goal of this is to tag someone else, but I have to think about it first. Get back to me later.
Wednesday, October 31, 2007
Confessions of a Redeemed Addict
Back in high school, I watched the film Titan A.E. I loved it. Around the same(ish) time, Star Wars E.1 had come out and I had really started getting into science fiction. Also around that time, I was inspired by my friend Sara to start writing. We read all the Star Wars books and imagined ourselves in the story (because our real lives were too boring).
So while we were writing out our versions of the events preceding Episode 1, I was also poking around on the web to find places where I could practice my storywriting ability.
I found Kotuku, an online role-playing game based on the Titan AE universe in which you create a fictional character, apply for a job on a fictional spaceship, and write out your interactions with other fictional characters written by real people elsewhere.
Due to the fact that I was amazingly immature at the time, I wanted my character always to be the protagonist and only to ever have good happy things happen to her. So I started treating other characters like crap, and I ended up leaving the site, totally confused as to why everyone there hated me.
So I began searching for another place where I could write. I found RPoL, a website with different categories of stories where someone creates an idea, you create a character, and then apply with the GM (Game Master). You then proceed with the GM's idea, writing your portion of the story from your character's point of view.
I was there for a while, but I quickly discovered the "Adult" section of the site and although I never applied for any stories there, I found some where the posts were not private and I could read sick and twisted descriptions of gratuitous sex. I quickly developed an addiction to this pornographic material. In an attempt to curb my habit, I left the site and stopped writing stories there, thinking that the temptation was too great.
I was right.
Although I moved on to StoryCrafter (a website of the same purpose but generally more
organized and more grown-up than RPoL), I found myself returning to RPoL and reading the perverse scripts again and again. Indeed, I began to write such material myself on StoryCrafter, a fact which for years I have been adept to hide except from the people who were co-writing.
While you may not see the harm in this, let me tell you that graphic descriptions of sex are so much more sly in the psyche than depictions. I did once move up to full-on video pornography, but the images resonated so much in my brain that I swore I would never again cast my eyes on such filth. For days afterward I could see nothing else in my mind. I begged God to take the memories away from me which, to a large extent, He did. I can still see it in my mind from time to time, but I quickly replace those images with Scripture (esp. Philippians 4:8). The words, however, stir up emotions which I cannot silence. They creep in. They invade your mind, your ears, your eyes. Certain words trigger memories and the imagination fills in the gaps.
Back to my story. About a year before I had taken a hiatus from StoryCrafter spawned by some events with other writers that left me hurt and disgusted with people. Another writer had said things to other people behind my back, criticized and belittled me, and generally spread a hate of me around the StoryCrafter community. This was someone I had trusted, seen as a friend and a confidant, a mentor even. The fact that he did this hurt me so much that I didn't want to so much as look at a story again.
But over the next year, God did a lot of healing in my life and showed me where I had been mistaken. However, this didn't change my habits of reading pornography. In fact, at this point, it had graduated beyond just a mental addiction and was well into the physical stages. It was until just about a month before I left for Africa that I was involved in this.
But then God really got hold of me. He showed me the effect that this habit was having on my life, my walk, my friends, my relationships. I had a brief vision of sorts, seeing how my life and romantic relationships would have progressed had I never started reading that stuff. I liked that version better. And I saw that I had a choice. I could 1) Consider the last several years lost, my innocence lost, and continue living with this on my shoulders OR 2) Cast my burden on Christ, plead for forgiveness, and embrace a newfound purity in my newfound Relationship.
I chose the second. It hasn't been easy. Hell, saying all this hasn't been easy. But it's been necessary. Yes, I've slipped. Yes, I still occasionally have very obscene thoughts and make disgustingly suggestive comments. But Christ forgives, right? And thankfully, friends forgive too.
Part of me is worried that since I have all this crap in my head, sex when I'm married will be a disappointment if it doesn't live up to all the hype people write into it. But I think God created it to be more than just what the world sees it as- a physical pursuit of pleasure. So despite my concerns, I'm determined to live out the rest of my days without purposely putting anything in my way to taint my mind further. To bring my husband honor and not shame, all the days of my life (Prov. 31)
Why have I said all of this? Actually, it started out as a brief introduction to collaborative writing. But then it graduated.
I guess I said it partly because it needed to be said. Partly also because it shows where we can sink if we don't guard our hearts. And it shows that Christ forgives, we move on, we still struggle, but we still try. With God's grace, we have victory.
So while we were writing out our versions of the events preceding Episode 1, I was also poking around on the web to find places where I could practice my storywriting ability.
I found Kotuku, an online role-playing game based on the Titan AE universe in which you create a fictional character, apply for a job on a fictional spaceship, and write out your interactions with other fictional characters written by real people elsewhere.
Due to the fact that I was amazingly immature at the time, I wanted my character always to be the protagonist and only to ever have good happy things happen to her. So I started treating other characters like crap, and I ended up leaving the site, totally confused as to why everyone there hated me.
So I began searching for another place where I could write. I found RPoL, a website with different categories of stories where someone creates an idea, you create a character, and then apply with the GM (Game Master). You then proceed with the GM's idea, writing your portion of the story from your character's point of view.
I was there for a while, but I quickly discovered the "Adult" section of the site and although I never applied for any stories there, I found some where the posts were not private and I could read sick and twisted descriptions of gratuitous sex. I quickly developed an addiction to this pornographic material. In an attempt to curb my habit, I left the site and stopped writing stories there, thinking that the temptation was too great.
I was right.
Although I moved on to StoryCrafter (a website of the same purpose but generally more
organized and more grown-up than RPoL), I found myself returning to RPoL and reading the perverse scripts again and again. Indeed, I began to write such material myself on StoryCrafter, a fact which for years I have been adept to hide except from the people who were co-writing.
While you may not see the harm in this, let me tell you that graphic descriptions of sex are so much more sly in the psyche than depictions. I did once move up to full-on video pornography, but the images resonated so much in my brain that I swore I would never again cast my eyes on such filth. For days afterward I could see nothing else in my mind. I begged God to take the memories away from me which, to a large extent, He did. I can still see it in my mind from time to time, but I quickly replace those images with Scripture (esp. Philippians 4:8). The words, however, stir up emotions which I cannot silence. They creep in. They invade your mind, your ears, your eyes. Certain words trigger memories and the imagination fills in the gaps.
Back to my story. About a year before I had taken a hiatus from StoryCrafter spawned by some events with other writers that left me hurt and disgusted with people. Another writer had said things to other people behind my back, criticized and belittled me, and generally spread a hate of me around the StoryCrafter community. This was someone I had trusted, seen as a friend and a confidant, a mentor even. The fact that he did this hurt me so much that I didn't want to so much as look at a story again.
But over the next year, God did a lot of healing in my life and showed me where I had been mistaken. However, this didn't change my habits of reading pornography. In fact, at this point, it had graduated beyond just a mental addiction and was well into the physical stages. It was until just about a month before I left for Africa that I was involved in this.
But then God really got hold of me. He showed me the effect that this habit was having on my life, my walk, my friends, my relationships. I had a brief vision of sorts, seeing how my life and romantic relationships would have progressed had I never started reading that stuff. I liked that version better. And I saw that I had a choice. I could 1) Consider the last several years lost, my innocence lost, and continue living with this on my shoulders OR 2) Cast my burden on Christ, plead for forgiveness, and embrace a newfound purity in my newfound Relationship.
I chose the second. It hasn't been easy. Hell, saying all this hasn't been easy. But it's been necessary. Yes, I've slipped. Yes, I still occasionally have very obscene thoughts and make disgustingly suggestive comments. But Christ forgives, right? And thankfully, friends forgive too.
Part of me is worried that since I have all this crap in my head, sex when I'm married will be a disappointment if it doesn't live up to all the hype people write into it. But I think God created it to be more than just what the world sees it as- a physical pursuit of pleasure. So despite my concerns, I'm determined to live out the rest of my days without purposely putting anything in my way to taint my mind further. To bring my husband honor and not shame, all the days of my life (Prov. 31)
Why have I said all of this? Actually, it started out as a brief introduction to collaborative writing. But then it graduated.
I guess I said it partly because it needed to be said. Partly also because it shows where we can sink if we don't guard our hearts. And it shows that Christ forgives, we move on, we still struggle, but we still try. With God's grace, we have victory.
490 Years of Protestantism
In honor of Martin Luther who in 1517 posted his 95 Theses on the door of the church in Wittenberg, I have listed them here. I wonder how the great preacher would react to the American Church today?
Out of love for the truth and the desire to bring it to light, the following propositions will be discussed at Wittenberg, under the presidency of the Reverend Father Martin Luther, Master of Arts and of Sacred Theology, and Lecturer in Ordinary on the same at that place. Wherefore he requests that those who are unable to be present and debate orally with us, may do so by letter.
In the Name our Lord Jesus Christ. Amen.
1. Our Lord and Master Jesus Christ, when He said Poenitentiam agite[repent ye], willed that the whole life of believers should be repentance.
2. This word cannot be understood to mean sacramental penance, i.e., confession and satisfaction, which is administered by the priests.
3. Yet it means not inward repentance only; nay, there is no inward repentance which does not outwardly work diverse mortifications of the flesh.
4. The penalty [of sin], therefore, continues so long as hatred of self continues; for this is the true inward repentance, and continues until our entrance into the kingdom of heaven.
5. The pope does not intend to remit, and cannot remit any penalties other than those which he has imposed either by his own authority or by that of the Canons.
6. The pope cannot remit any guilt, except by declaring that it has been remitted by God and by assenting to God's remission; though, to be sure, he may grant remission in cases reserved to his judgment. If his right to grant remission in such cases were despised, the guilt would remain entirely unforgiven.
7. God remits guilt to no one whom He does not, at the same time, humble in all things and bring into subjection to His vicar, the priest.
8. The penitential canons are imposed only on the living, and, according to them, nothing should be imposed on the dying.
9. Therefore the Holy Spirit in the pope is kind to us, because in his decrees he always makes exception of the article of death and of necessity.
10. Ignorant and wicked are the doings of those priests who, in the case of the dying, reserve canonical penances for purgatory.
11. This changing of the canonical penalty to the penalty of purgatory is quite evidently one of the tares that were sown while the bishops slept.
12. In former times the canonical penalties were imposed not after, but before absolution, as tests of true contrition.
13. The dying are freed by death from all penalties; they are already dead to canonical rules, and have a right to be released from them.
14. The imperfect health [of soul], that is to say, the imperfect love, of the dying brings with it, of necessity, great fear; and the smaller the love, the greater is the fear.
15. This fear and horror is sufficient of itself alone (to say nothing of other things) to constitute the penalty of purgatory, since it is very near to the horror of despair.
16. Hell, purgatory, and heaven seem to differ as do despair, almost-despair, and the assurance of safety.
17. With souls in purgatory it seems necessary that horror should grow less and love increase.
18. It seems unproved, either by reason or Scripture, that they are outside the state of merit, that is to say, of increasing love.
19. Again, it seems unproved that they, or at least that all of them, are certain or assured of their own blessedness, though we may be quite certain of it.
20. Therefore by "full remission of all penalties" the pope means not actually "of all," but only of those imposed by himself.
21. Therefore those preachers of indulgences are in error, who say that by the pope's indulgences a man is freed from every penalty, and saved;
22. Whereas he remits to souls in purgatory no penalty which, according to the canons, they would have had to pay in this life.
23. If it is at all possible to grant to any one the remission of all penalties whatsoever, it is certain that this remission can be granted only to the most perfect, that is, to the very fewest.
24. It must needs be, therefore, that the greater part of the people are deceived by that indiscriminate and highsounding promise of release from penalty.
25. The power which the pope has, in a general way, over purgatory, is just like the power which any bishop or curate has, in a special way, within his own diocese or parish.
26. The pope does well when he grants remission to souls [in purgatory], not by the power of the keys (which he does not possess), but by way of intercession.
27. They preach man who say that so soon as the penny jingles into the money-box, the soul
flies out [of purgatory].
28. It is certain that when the penny jingles into the money-box, gain and avarice can be increased, but the result of the intercession of the Church is in the power of God alone.
29. Who knows whether all the souls in purgatory wish to be bought out of it, as in the legend of Sts. Severinus and Paschal.
30. No one is sure that his own contrition is sincere; much less that he has attained full remission.
31. Rare as is the man that is truly penitent, so rare is also the man who truly buys indulgences, i.e., such men are most rare.
32. They will be condemned eternally, together with their teachers, who believe themselves sure of their salvation because they have letters of pardon.
33. Men must be on their guard against those who say that the pope's pardons are that inestimable gift of God by which man is reconciled to Him;
34. For these "graces of pardon" concern only the penalties of sacramental satisfaction, and these are appointed by man.
35. They preach no Christian doctrine who teach that contrition is not necessary in those who intend to buy souls out of purgatory or to buy confessionalia.
36. Every truly repentant Christian has a right to full remission of penalty and guilt, even without letters of pardon.
37. Every true Christian, whether living or dead, has part in all the blessings of Christ and the
Church; and this is granted him by God, even without letters of pardon.
38. Nevertheless, the remission and participation [in the blessings of the Church] which are
granted by the pope are in no way to be despised, for they are, as I have said, the declaration of
divine remission.
39. It is most difficult, even for the very keenest theologians, at one and the same time to commend to the people the abundance of pardons and [the need of] true contrition.
40. True contrition seeks and loves penalties, but liberal pardons only relax penalties and cause them to be hated, or at least, furnish an occasion [for hating them].
41. Apostolic pardons are to be preached with caution, lest the people may falsely think them preferable to other good works of love.
42. Christians are to be taught that the pope does not intend the buying of pardons to be compared in any way to works of mercy.
43. Christians are to be taught that he who gives to the poor or lends to the needy does a better work than buying pardons;
44. Because love grows by works of love, and man becomes better; but by pardons man does not grow better, only more free from penalty.
45. Christians are to be taught that he who sees a man in need, and passes him by, and gives [his money] for pardons, purchases not the indulgences of the pope, but the indignation of God.
46. Christians are to be taught that unless they have more than they need, they are bound to keep back what is necessary for their own families, and by no means to squander it on pardons.
47. Christians are to be taught that the buying of pardons is a matter of free will, and not of commandment.
48. Christians are to be taught that the pope, in granting pardons, needs, and therefore desires, their devout prayer for him more than the money they bring.
49. Christians are to be taught that the pope's pardons are useful, if they do not put their trust in them; but altogether harmful, if through them they lose their fear of God.
50. Christians are to be taught that if the pope knew the exactions of the pardon-preachers, he would rather that St. Peter's church should go to ashes, than that it should be built up with the
skin, flesh and bones of his sheep.
51. Christians are to be taught that it would be the pope's wish, as it is his duty, to give of his own money to very many of those from whom certain hawkers of pardons cajole money, even though the church of St. Peter might have to be sold.
52. The assurance of salvation by letters of pardon is vain, even though the commissary, nay, even though the pope himself, were to stake his soul upon it.
53. They are enemies of Christ and of the pope, who bid the Word of God be altogether silent in some Churches, in order that pardons may be preached in others.
54. Injury is done the Word of God when, in the same sermon, an equal or a longer time is spent on pardons than on this Word.
55. It must be the intention of the pope that if pardons, which are a very small thing, are celebrated with one bell, with single processions and ceremonies, then the Gospel, which is the
very greatest thing, should be preached with a hundred bells, a hundred processions, a hundred ceremonies.
56. The "treasures of the Church," out of which the pope. grants indulgences, are not sufficiently named or known among the people of Christ.
57. That they are not temporal treasures is certainly evident, for many of the vendors do not pour out such treasures so easily, but only gather them.
58. Nor are they the merits of Christ and the Saints, for even without the pope, these always work grace for the inner man, and the cross, death, and hell for the outward man.
59. St. Lawrence said that the treasures of the Church were the Church's poor, but he spoke according to the usage of the word in his own time.
60. Without rashness we say that the keys of the Church, given by Christ's merit, are that treasure;
61. For it is clear that for the remission of penalties and of reserved cases, the power of the pope is of itself sufficient.
62. The true treasure of the Church is the Most Holy Gospel of the glory and the grace of God.
63. But this treasure is naturally most odious, for it makes the first to be last.
64. On the other hand, the treasure of indulgences is naturally most acceptable, for it makes the
last to be first.
65. Therefore the treasures of the Gospel are nets with which they formerly were wont to fish for men of riches.
66. The treasures of the indulgences are nets with which they now fish for the riches of men.
67. The indulgences which the preachers cry as the "greatest graces" are known to be truly such, in so far as they promote gain.
68. Yet they are in truth the very smallest graces compared with the grace of God and the piety of the Cross.
69. Bishops and curates are bound to admit the commissaries of apostolic pardons, with all reverence.
70. But still more are they bound to strain all their eyes and attend with all their ears, lest these men preach their own dreams instead of the commission of the pope.
71. He who speaks against the truth of apostolic pardons, let him be anathema and accursed!
72. But he who guards against the lust and license of the pardon-preachers, let him be blessed!
73. The pope justly thunders against those who, by any art, contrive the injury of the traffic in pardons.
74. But much more does he intend to thunder against those who use the pretext of pardons to contrive the injury of holy love and truth.
75. To think the papal pardons so great that they could absolve a man even if he had committed an impossible sin and violated the Mother of God -- this is madness.
76. We say, on the contrary, that the papal pardons are not able to remove the very least of venial sins, so far as its guilt is concerned.
77. It is said that even St. Peter, if he were now Pope, could not bestow greater graces; this is blasphemy against St. Peter and against the pope.
78. We say, on the contrary, that even the present pope, and any pope at all, has greater graces at his disposal; to wit, the Gospel, powers, gifts of healing, etc., as it is written in I. Corinthians
xii.
79. To say that the cross, emblazoned with the papal arms, which is set up [by the preachers of indulgences], is of equal worth with the Cross of Christ, is blasphemy.
80. The bishops, curates and theologians who allow such talk to be spread among the people, will have an account to render.
81. This unbridled preaching of pardons makes it no easy matter, even for learned men, to rescue the reverence due to the pope from slander, or even from the shrewd questionings of the
laity.
82. To wit: -- "Why does not the pope empty purgatory, for the sake of holy love and of the dire need of the souls that are there, if he redeems an infinite number of souls for the sake of miserable money with which to build a Church? The former reasons would be most just; the latter is most trivial."
83. Again: -- "Why are mortuary and anniversary masses for the dead continued, and why does he not return or permit the withdrawal of the endowments founded on their behalf, since it is wrong to pray for the redeemed?"
84. Again: -- "What is this new piety of God and the pope, that for money they allow a man who is impious and their enemy to buy out of purgatory the pious soul of a friend of God, and do not rather, because of that pious and beloved soul's own need, free it for pure love's sake?"
85. Again: -- "Why are the penitential canons long since in actual fact and through disuse abrogated and dead, now satisfied by the granting of indulgences, as though they were still alive and in force?"
86. Again: -- "Why does not the pope, whose wealth is to-day greater than the riches of the richest, build just this one church of St. Peter with his own money, rather than with the money of poor believers?"
87. Again: -- "What is it that the pope remits, and what participation does he grant to those who, by perfect contrition, have a right to full remission and participation?"
88. Again: -- "What greater blessing could come to the Church than if the pope were to do a hundred times a day what he now does once, and bestow on every believer these remissions and participations?"
89. "Since the pope, by his pardons, seeks the salvation of souls rather than money, why does he suspend the indulgences and pardons granted heretofore, since these have equal efficacy?"
90. To repress these arguments and scruples of the laity by force alone, and not to resolve them by giving reasons, is to expose the Church and the pope to the ridicule of their enemies, and to make Christians unhappy.
91. If, therefore, pardons were preached according to the spirit and mind of the pope, all these doubts would be readily resolved; nay, they would not exist.
92. Away, then, with all those prophets who say to the people of Christ, "Peace, peace," and there is no peace!
93. Blessed be all those prophets who say to the people of Christ, "Cross, cross," and there is no cross!
94. Christians are to be exhorted that they be diligent in following Christ, their Head, through penalties, deaths, and hell;
95. And thus be confident of entering into heaven rather through many tribulations, than through the assurance of peace.
Out of love for the truth and the desire to bring it to light, the following propositions will be discussed at Wittenberg, under the presidency of the Reverend Father Martin Luther, Master of Arts and of Sacred Theology, and Lecturer in Ordinary on the same at that place. Wherefore he requests that those who are unable to be present and debate orally with us, may do so by letter.
In the Name our Lord Jesus Christ. Amen.
1. Our Lord and Master Jesus Christ, when He said Poenitentiam agite[repent ye], willed that the whole life of believers should be repentance.
2. This word cannot be understood to mean sacramental penance, i.e., confession and satisfaction, which is administered by the priests.
3. Yet it means not inward repentance only; nay, there is no inward repentance which does not outwardly work diverse mortifications of the flesh.
4. The penalty [of sin], therefore, continues so long as hatred of self continues; for this is the true inward repentance, and continues until our entrance into the kingdom of heaven.
5. The pope does not intend to remit, and cannot remit any penalties other than those which he has imposed either by his own authority or by that of the Canons.
6. The pope cannot remit any guilt, except by declaring that it has been remitted by God and by assenting to God's remission; though, to be sure, he may grant remission in cases reserved to his judgment. If his right to grant remission in such cases were despised, the guilt would remain entirely unforgiven.
7. God remits guilt to no one whom He does not, at the same time, humble in all things and bring into subjection to His vicar, the priest.
8. The penitential canons are imposed only on the living, and, according to them, nothing should be imposed on the dying.
9. Therefore the Holy Spirit in the pope is kind to us, because in his decrees he always makes exception of the article of death and of necessity.
10. Ignorant and wicked are the doings of those priests who, in the case of the dying, reserve canonical penances for purgatory.
11. This changing of the canonical penalty to the penalty of purgatory is quite evidently one of the tares that were sown while the bishops slept.
12. In former times the canonical penalties were imposed not after, but before absolution, as tests of true contrition.
13. The dying are freed by death from all penalties; they are already dead to canonical rules, and have a right to be released from them.
14. The imperfect health [of soul], that is to say, the imperfect love, of the dying brings with it, of necessity, great fear; and the smaller the love, the greater is the fear.
15. This fear and horror is sufficient of itself alone (to say nothing of other things) to constitute the penalty of purgatory, since it is very near to the horror of despair.
16. Hell, purgatory, and heaven seem to differ as do despair, almost-despair, and the assurance of safety.
17. With souls in purgatory it seems necessary that horror should grow less and love increase.
18. It seems unproved, either by reason or Scripture, that they are outside the state of merit, that is to say, of increasing love.
19. Again, it seems unproved that they, or at least that all of them, are certain or assured of their own blessedness, though we may be quite certain of it.
20. Therefore by "full remission of all penalties" the pope means not actually "of all," but only of those imposed by himself.
21. Therefore those preachers of indulgences are in error, who say that by the pope's indulgences a man is freed from every penalty, and saved;
22. Whereas he remits to souls in purgatory no penalty which, according to the canons, they would have had to pay in this life.
23. If it is at all possible to grant to any one the remission of all penalties whatsoever, it is certain that this remission can be granted only to the most perfect, that is, to the very fewest.
24. It must needs be, therefore, that the greater part of the people are deceived by that indiscriminate and highsounding promise of release from penalty.
25. The power which the pope has, in a general way, over purgatory, is just like the power which any bishop or curate has, in a special way, within his own diocese or parish.
26. The pope does well when he grants remission to souls [in purgatory], not by the power of the keys (which he does not possess), but by way of intercession.
27. They preach man who say that so soon as the penny jingles into the money-box, the soul
flies out [of purgatory].
28. It is certain that when the penny jingles into the money-box, gain and avarice can be increased, but the result of the intercession of the Church is in the power of God alone.
29. Who knows whether all the souls in purgatory wish to be bought out of it, as in the legend of Sts. Severinus and Paschal.
30. No one is sure that his own contrition is sincere; much less that he has attained full remission.
31. Rare as is the man that is truly penitent, so rare is also the man who truly buys indulgences, i.e., such men are most rare.
32. They will be condemned eternally, together with their teachers, who believe themselves sure of their salvation because they have letters of pardon.
33. Men must be on their guard against those who say that the pope's pardons are that inestimable gift of God by which man is reconciled to Him;
34. For these "graces of pardon" concern only the penalties of sacramental satisfaction, and these are appointed by man.
35. They preach no Christian doctrine who teach that contrition is not necessary in those who intend to buy souls out of purgatory or to buy confessionalia.
36. Every truly repentant Christian has a right to full remission of penalty and guilt, even without letters of pardon.
37. Every true Christian, whether living or dead, has part in all the blessings of Christ and the
Church; and this is granted him by God, even without letters of pardon.
38. Nevertheless, the remission and participation [in the blessings of the Church] which are
granted by the pope are in no way to be despised, for they are, as I have said, the declaration of
divine remission.
39. It is most difficult, even for the very keenest theologians, at one and the same time to commend to the people the abundance of pardons and [the need of] true contrition.
40. True contrition seeks and loves penalties, but liberal pardons only relax penalties and cause them to be hated, or at least, furnish an occasion [for hating them].
41. Apostolic pardons are to be preached with caution, lest the people may falsely think them preferable to other good works of love.
42. Christians are to be taught that the pope does not intend the buying of pardons to be compared in any way to works of mercy.
43. Christians are to be taught that he who gives to the poor or lends to the needy does a better work than buying pardons;
44. Because love grows by works of love, and man becomes better; but by pardons man does not grow better, only more free from penalty.
45. Christians are to be taught that he who sees a man in need, and passes him by, and gives [his money] for pardons, purchases not the indulgences of the pope, but the indignation of God.
46. Christians are to be taught that unless they have more than they need, they are bound to keep back what is necessary for their own families, and by no means to squander it on pardons.
47. Christians are to be taught that the buying of pardons is a matter of free will, and not of commandment.
48. Christians are to be taught that the pope, in granting pardons, needs, and therefore desires, their devout prayer for him more than the money they bring.
49. Christians are to be taught that the pope's pardons are useful, if they do not put their trust in them; but altogether harmful, if through them they lose their fear of God.
50. Christians are to be taught that if the pope knew the exactions of the pardon-preachers, he would rather that St. Peter's church should go to ashes, than that it should be built up with the
skin, flesh and bones of his sheep.
51. Christians are to be taught that it would be the pope's wish, as it is his duty, to give of his own money to very many of those from whom certain hawkers of pardons cajole money, even though the church of St. Peter might have to be sold.
52. The assurance of salvation by letters of pardon is vain, even though the commissary, nay, even though the pope himself, were to stake his soul upon it.
53. They are enemies of Christ and of the pope, who bid the Word of God be altogether silent in some Churches, in order that pardons may be preached in others.
54. Injury is done the Word of God when, in the same sermon, an equal or a longer time is spent on pardons than on this Word.
55. It must be the intention of the pope that if pardons, which are a very small thing, are celebrated with one bell, with single processions and ceremonies, then the Gospel, which is the
very greatest thing, should be preached with a hundred bells, a hundred processions, a hundred ceremonies.
56. The "treasures of the Church," out of which the pope. grants indulgences, are not sufficiently named or known among the people of Christ.
57. That they are not temporal treasures is certainly evident, for many of the vendors do not pour out such treasures so easily, but only gather them.
58. Nor are they the merits of Christ and the Saints, for even without the pope, these always work grace for the inner man, and the cross, death, and hell for the outward man.
59. St. Lawrence said that the treasures of the Church were the Church's poor, but he spoke according to the usage of the word in his own time.
60. Without rashness we say that the keys of the Church, given by Christ's merit, are that treasure;
61. For it is clear that for the remission of penalties and of reserved cases, the power of the pope is of itself sufficient.
62. The true treasure of the Church is the Most Holy Gospel of the glory and the grace of God.
63. But this treasure is naturally most odious, for it makes the first to be last.
64. On the other hand, the treasure of indulgences is naturally most acceptable, for it makes the
last to be first.
65. Therefore the treasures of the Gospel are nets with which they formerly were wont to fish for men of riches.
66. The treasures of the indulgences are nets with which they now fish for the riches of men.
67. The indulgences which the preachers cry as the "greatest graces" are known to be truly such, in so far as they promote gain.
68. Yet they are in truth the very smallest graces compared with the grace of God and the piety of the Cross.
69. Bishops and curates are bound to admit the commissaries of apostolic pardons, with all reverence.
70. But still more are they bound to strain all their eyes and attend with all their ears, lest these men preach their own dreams instead of the commission of the pope.
71. He who speaks against the truth of apostolic pardons, let him be anathema and accursed!
72. But he who guards against the lust and license of the pardon-preachers, let him be blessed!
73. The pope justly thunders against those who, by any art, contrive the injury of the traffic in pardons.
74. But much more does he intend to thunder against those who use the pretext of pardons to contrive the injury of holy love and truth.
75. To think the papal pardons so great that they could absolve a man even if he had committed an impossible sin and violated the Mother of God -- this is madness.
76. We say, on the contrary, that the papal pardons are not able to remove the very least of venial sins, so far as its guilt is concerned.
77. It is said that even St. Peter, if he were now Pope, could not bestow greater graces; this is blasphemy against St. Peter and against the pope.
78. We say, on the contrary, that even the present pope, and any pope at all, has greater graces at his disposal; to wit, the Gospel, powers, gifts of healing, etc., as it is written in I. Corinthians
xii.
79. To say that the cross, emblazoned with the papal arms, which is set up [by the preachers of indulgences], is of equal worth with the Cross of Christ, is blasphemy.
80. The bishops, curates and theologians who allow such talk to be spread among the people, will have an account to render.
81. This unbridled preaching of pardons makes it no easy matter, even for learned men, to rescue the reverence due to the pope from slander, or even from the shrewd questionings of the
laity.
82. To wit: -- "Why does not the pope empty purgatory, for the sake of holy love and of the dire need of the souls that are there, if he redeems an infinite number of souls for the sake of miserable money with which to build a Church? The former reasons would be most just; the latter is most trivial."
83. Again: -- "Why are mortuary and anniversary masses for the dead continued, and why does he not return or permit the withdrawal of the endowments founded on their behalf, since it is wrong to pray for the redeemed?"
84. Again: -- "What is this new piety of God and the pope, that for money they allow a man who is impious and their enemy to buy out of purgatory the pious soul of a friend of God, and do not rather, because of that pious and beloved soul's own need, free it for pure love's sake?"
85. Again: -- "Why are the penitential canons long since in actual fact and through disuse abrogated and dead, now satisfied by the granting of indulgences, as though they were still alive and in force?"
86. Again: -- "Why does not the pope, whose wealth is to-day greater than the riches of the richest, build just this one church of St. Peter with his own money, rather than with the money of poor believers?"
87. Again: -- "What is it that the pope remits, and what participation does he grant to those who, by perfect contrition, have a right to full remission and participation?"
88. Again: -- "What greater blessing could come to the Church than if the pope were to do a hundred times a day what he now does once, and bestow on every believer these remissions and participations?"
89. "Since the pope, by his pardons, seeks the salvation of souls rather than money, why does he suspend the indulgences and pardons granted heretofore, since these have equal efficacy?"
90. To repress these arguments and scruples of the laity by force alone, and not to resolve them by giving reasons, is to expose the Church and the pope to the ridicule of their enemies, and to make Christians unhappy.
91. If, therefore, pardons were preached according to the spirit and mind of the pope, all these doubts would be readily resolved; nay, they would not exist.
92. Away, then, with all those prophets who say to the people of Christ, "Peace, peace," and there is no peace!
93. Blessed be all those prophets who say to the people of Christ, "Cross, cross," and there is no cross!
94. Christians are to be exhorted that they be diligent in following Christ, their Head, through penalties, deaths, and hell;
95. And thus be confident of entering into heaven rather through many tribulations, than through the assurance of peace.
Friday, October 26, 2007
Photos and Kibera
For some reason, whenever the guys at work are talking about politics, they call me over and ask me questions even though they know that I vehemently detest politics. I mean I hate the topic. A lot.
Don't get me wrong: I respect those in authority. I won't advocate anarchism. My political views lean left, but only because I'm a Christian and I believe that, as it says in Acts, we should share all things. So I guess that makes me a communist. But I also believe that in this fallen world, and with the Americanized Church feeling entirely too capitalistic, my ideal will never occur this side of the Millenial Kingdom. Meanwhile, since we are temporally stuck on the sad side of Christ's rule, I choose to invest in things that will outlast this world.
It's always puzzled me that pastors preach againts the Muslims rising to power. "This is the beginning of the one-world religion!" they protest. They involve themselves in temporal issues (Let's save the Mt. Soledad Cross!) because they say that if we don't fight, we'll lose our freedoms. They, from the pulpit, bemoan discrimination against Christians.
I wonder how many of them really understand the end times or, rather, the concept of sign of the times. Last I checked, losing our freedoms and the beginning of the one-world system means that we get to leave soon. It means that Jesus is on His way back, and this sad world that we live in will end, giving rise to our glorious new Heaven and Earth. Isn't that a good thing?
Time Out (like Zach on Saved by the Bell)
I've always wondered why Christians are so afraid of death. They really shouldn't be. I'm not. I can't wait to die. It means I'll be with my God forever. Granted, I am serving Him to my best ability while I'm here (indeed, the very fact that I am here shows that I'm not ready to be in His presence yet) but last I checked, to die is gain. So why are we so terrified?
Time In
So anyway, I hate politics. Which is why I don't vote. You're not hallucinating. I just said I don't vote. Someone once argued with me that if I don't vote, that means I support whoever comes into power by default. I disagree. I obey whoever comes into power, provided that obedience does not clash with my morality. I respect whoever comes into power. But I don't have to support that person. I'm not their mom.
I'm first and foremost a Christian and I think that all too often, being an American interferes with our Christianity. We get involved in pointless debates and arguments and fundraisers and pep rallies and protests and parades (Read 1 and 2 Timothy) and we stray from our faith, from what's really important.
I believe that when Jesus said "Give to Caesar what is Caesar's and to God what is God's" He was also referring to "You cannot serve two masters." I choose not to vote because I pay my taxes. I give Caesar (or in this case Uncle Sam) his due, and I devote all the rest of my time and energy to serving God. Or at least, I should.
Note on the picture link: don't click on the pictures- they lose their resolution. Hover over them with your mouse and the captions expand.
Don't get me wrong: I respect those in authority. I won't advocate anarchism. My political views lean left, but only because I'm a Christian and I believe that, as it says in Acts, we should share all things. So I guess that makes me a communist. But I also believe that in this fallen world, and with the Americanized Church feeling entirely too capitalistic, my ideal will never occur this side of the Millenial Kingdom. Meanwhile, since we are temporally stuck on the sad side of Christ's rule, I choose to invest in things that will outlast this world.
It's always puzzled me that pastors preach againts the Muslims rising to power. "This is the beginning of the one-world religion!" they protest. They involve themselves in temporal issues (Let's save the Mt. Soledad Cross!) because they say that if we don't fight, we'll lose our freedoms. They, from the pulpit, bemoan discrimination against Christians.
I wonder how many of them really understand the end times or, rather, the concept of sign of the times. Last I checked, losing our freedoms and the beginning of the one-world system means that we get to leave soon. It means that Jesus is on His way back, and this sad world that we live in will end, giving rise to our glorious new Heaven and Earth. Isn't that a good thing?
Time Out (like Zach on Saved by the Bell)
I've always wondered why Christians are so afraid of death. They really shouldn't be. I'm not. I can't wait to die. It means I'll be with my God forever. Granted, I am serving Him to my best ability while I'm here (indeed, the very fact that I am here shows that I'm not ready to be in His presence yet) but last I checked, to die is gain. So why are we so terrified?
Time In
So anyway, I hate politics. Which is why I don't vote. You're not hallucinating. I just said I don't vote. Someone once argued with me that if I don't vote, that means I support whoever comes into power by default. I disagree. I obey whoever comes into power, provided that obedience does not clash with my morality. I respect whoever comes into power. But I don't have to support that person. I'm not their mom.
I'm first and foremost a Christian and I think that all too often, being an American interferes with our Christianity. We get involved in pointless debates and arguments and fundraisers and pep rallies and protests and parades (Read 1 and 2 Timothy) and we stray from our faith, from what's really important.
I believe that when Jesus said "Give to Caesar what is Caesar's and to God what is God's" He was also referring to "You cannot serve two masters." I choose not to vote because I pay my taxes. I give Caesar (or in this case Uncle Sam) his due, and I devote all the rest of my time and energy to serving God. Or at least, I should.
Note on the picture link: don't click on the pictures- they lose their resolution. Hover over them with your mouse and the captions expand.
Saturday, October 20, 2007
If you like to write...
Feel free to join my collaborative story. It's on Storycrafter, which is a great place to practice your narrative skill. Here's the link to my story:
http://www.storycrafter.com/story/index.php?storyid=4168
If you do decide to join, or would like more information, please leave a comment so that I know it's you.
http://www.storycrafter.com/story/index.php?storyid=4168
If you do decide to join, or would like more information, please leave a comment so that I know it's you.
Monday, October 15, 2007
By Wilbur Reese
I would like to buy three dollars' worth of God, please.
Not enough to explode my soul
Or disturb my sleep,
But just enough
To equal a cup of warm milk
Or a snooze in the sunshine.
I don't want enough of him
To make me love a black man
Or pick beets with a migrant.
I want ecstasy,
Not transformation.
I want the warmth of the womb
Not a new birth.
I want about a pound of the eternal
In a paper sack.
I'd like to buy three dollars' worth of God, please.
Not enough to explode my soul
Or disturb my sleep,
But just enough
To equal a cup of warm milk
Or a snooze in the sunshine.
I don't want enough of him
To make me love a black man
Or pick beets with a migrant.
I want ecstasy,
Not transformation.
I want the warmth of the womb
Not a new birth.
I want about a pound of the eternal
In a paper sack.
I'd like to buy three dollars' worth of God, please.
Wednesday, October 03, 2007
"It's a dangerous business going out your front door...
"You step onto the road and if you don't keep your feet there's no telling where you'll be swept off to."
--John Ronald Reuel Tolkien
He had a point, you know.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
I went into town for the first time today to get my Student ID card, which gets us discounts at different parks and stores here.
It was crowded and reeked of exhaust but it was really no different from the other cities I've visited over the years.
After that, I stopped by the SIM office and met my mentor. She took me out to lunch and I had real Kenyan food for the first time. Something called mukimo, which is sort of mashed potatoes mixed with mashed spinach and corn (It's green and tastes fabulous) and tika kukka, which is fried chicken.
One thing I've noticed in all the places I've visited is that Coca-Cola tastes different in every country. Kenyan Coke is one of my favorites, so far.
During lunch I looked around and noticed that I was the only mzungu (white person) in the room. Oddly enough, I didn't feel like I stood out. I felt like I belonged there.
Friday I go to Kibera for the first time. I expect it to be a shock. Pray for me.
---------------------------------------------------------
NOTE: I know it says this above, but I thought I'd say it again. On SUNDAY, this blog will go PRIVATE. Meaning you won't be able to access it anymore. So, if you want to keep reading this blog, send me an email. Even if you think you're a shoe-in (coughDavidcough), email me anyway. I'm a forgetful person. kathy.morales@sim.org
--John Ronald Reuel Tolkien
He had a point, you know.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
I went into town for the first time today to get my Student ID card, which gets us discounts at different parks and stores here.
It was crowded and reeked of exhaust but it was really no different from the other cities I've visited over the years.
After that, I stopped by the SIM office and met my mentor. She took me out to lunch and I had real Kenyan food for the first time. Something called mukimo, which is sort of mashed potatoes mixed with mashed spinach and corn (It's green and tastes fabulous) and tika kukka, which is fried chicken.
One thing I've noticed in all the places I've visited is that Coca-Cola tastes different in every country. Kenyan Coke is one of my favorites, so far.
During lunch I looked around and noticed that I was the only mzungu (white person) in the room. Oddly enough, I didn't feel like I stood out. I felt like I belonged there.
Friday I go to Kibera for the first time. I expect it to be a shock. Pray for me.
---------------------------------------------------------
NOTE: I know it says this above, but I thought I'd say it again. On SUNDAY, this blog will go PRIVATE. Meaning you won't be able to access it anymore. So, if you want to keep reading this blog, send me an email. Even if you think you're a shoe-in (coughDavidcough), email me anyway. I'm a forgetful person. kathy.morales@sim.org
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