One month. Today marks one month that I have been with Caleb, making this my second-longest relationship to this point.
We never would have started this thing if we weren't intentional. In fact, I asked him from the get-go what his intentions were. We both knew that we would plan on getting married, and that would be the point of our relationship.
Now that I know him better, I know his parents (and chat with them quite often), and I see how he's approaching this relationship, I feel even more certain that I will, indeed, marry him in a couple of years. But knowing this, I guess I feel let down about my feelings.
I don't know what I expected. Fireworks, maybe? Writing across the sky saying "This is it!"? A jittery feeling in my stomach? Really, I'm not sure. But not this. I certainly didn't expect to feel nothing.
I know that this 'in love' feeling is a myth. It's what Disney teaches us to wait for. But Disney does give us unrealistic expectations about our prince and what falling in love means.
Meanwhile, I've been reading a lot of Christian articles about relationships (as I tend to do), and I'm having a problem with these men that write them. They all are totally convinced that their wives are the best women on the planet. One said, "When I proposed, [she], in a momentary lapse of sanity, accepted." They're convinced that they each have discovered the single most fabulous woman the world has ever seen and that she was crazy to marry him. It makes me wonder how these women feel about themselves and about their husbands. Are they equally enchanted?
I'm not the greatest woman on the planet- not even close. I can't imagine anyone ever feeling unworthy to be with me. I'm just a normal girl but somehow I'm supposed to convince my husband that he doesn't deserve me?
How the heck am I supposed to do that?
3 comments:
I don't think it's your job to do the convincing, but it is his job to treat you that way.
We shouldn't feel like we deserve our friends/ significant others/ spouses. Just like we shouldn't think we deserve any blessing at all from God, because we don't. And yet He blesses us anyways.
We don't have to try to convince God that we're incredibly important to Him, we just are. Perhaps you're not the greatest woman on the planet (does such a person even exist?) but in his eyes, you are.
For what it's worth, I think that's how a husband ought to feel. I love that. Then again, I'm an idealist when it comes to romance even though things have not worked out for me. I always want to be a romantic idealist.
This is definitely a topic worth further discussion. Why do you think that this is "how a husband ought to feel"?
(As an aside, Caleb told me yesterday, "I understand why men feel that way. I certainly do." It made me happy, in a weird sort of way. Now I'm wondering what's so great about myself.)
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