So, there are roughly 2 guys that read my blog, but I respect both their opinions dearly, so maybe I'll just let them answer this and see where it takes us.
Modesty.
That's the issue of the day. Let's pretend for a moment that women don't struggle with lust. Let's pretend that we don't have a single unclean thought when we see a guy with chiseled shoulders and tight abs playing two-hand-touch on the beach. We good Christian women want to be modest so we are very careful about the way we dress. If anything is too low-cut or too short or too tight or too sheer, we're reprimanded for "leading men astray". Here in Kenya, we're even discouraged from wearing jeans because "it's all men can think about."
So the question is this: How much of that is our fault?
Seriously. I'm not being bitter or demanding; I'm just asking a question. How much responsibility do we have when it comes to the issue of men and lust?
If we're honest, we can say that no matter what we wear, some man somewhere will likely think unclean thoughts about us. In some Muslim countries, a woman can be killed and/or dismembered simply for wearing makeup or painting her fingernails because that distracts men from their pursuit of God. So, where do we start/stop?
We want to look nice. We want to take care of ourselves and our appearance is really an extension of our personality. So if we feel gross and grungy, we'll probably be wearing a baggy t-shirt and sweats. But if we feel good about ourselves, blessed, secure, and confident, we will be more snazzy in the way we dress. But how do we balance that with being modest?
And how much responsibility do men have to, say, look the other way?
4 comments:
Thanks for this post, Kate. It's a question that really ought to be addressed more - especially since, in our culture, there is so much media pressure from a very young age for women and girls to dress not only nice, but sexy. So we're caught in a double bind: dress nice, and we're tempting men. Dress overly casual, and we're frumpy and homely.
It seems to me also that frequently clothes that are modest are also homely; and most of the designers are men.
And anyway, it's so true that you want to dress nice and look good when you feel good about yourself.
Thanks,
There's definitely no quick and easy rule for that one. And I think it's something even guys can struggle with (though probably to a lesser extent). How much time should I spend concerning myself with how I look? How much money should I spend on nice clothes? Is it wrong to dress a little nicer when girls are going to be present? etc. etc.
There's a line somewhere between dressing/behaving in a manner that is purposely provocative and completely disregarding your outward appearance so that it becomes a whole 'nother kind of distraction to those around you (and an unpleasant one at that).
I guess the main determining factor is motive. What do you hope to accomplish by the way you dress? And how do you think others will perceive the way you appear in public? On the other hand, you just have to come to terms with the fact that guys can be unreasonably lustful and fall into temptation regardless of how modest a female might dress.
Hope that helps, even if just a little bit.
The answer is going to have much to do with the culture in which you find yourself. I think Christians should submit to the norms of their time and place. While the need to clothe yourself modestly is absolute, how that will actually look is culturally relative. Dressing to be alluring can be appropriate, in my opinion. By all means, dress snazzy (snazzily?). I think that if the woman is close to God, her conscience will be a pretty reliable barometer of whether her style is decent or indecent. If she isn't close to God, she probably won't be worrying too much about it anyway. Don't be offended if a good Christian brother suggests a change in your attire--guys are more likely to put up something "distracting" than to do the very hard and slightly embarrassing work of telling a girl she should try to cover up a little more; so if you are confronted, it's probably a sincere suggestion and a good idea. But overall, don't dress homely, please.
I guess I'm guy number 3 who reads your blog babe. Er, I mean sister...
Have you read "No Compromise" where Melody Green is gently reprimanded at one of her first Christian meetings for not wearing, er, upper chest suspension. "We should not cause a brother to stumble" was the warning.
This is a difficult topic and I think it's ultimately a conscience issue. We're not in Eden any more and our behaviour (e.g. dress) can edify ourselves, God and others or degrade us, God and them.
Why not apply Romans 14?
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