I had forgotten what it sounded like.

As soon as I opened my eyes, the gentle crackle registered in my ears and I assumed there was a fire. My next thought was that if there was a fire, why wasn't I warmer? And who had started the fire? I rolled over in my bed and saw gray light streaming through the broken blinds on the window. Gray.

The crackles resolved themselves into gentler pitter-patters, and I realized that it was not the sound of a fire I was hearing, but the sound of rain. For a moment I didn't believe it. But soon I managed to pull myself out of bed and see the dark asphalt and the dripping trees. Sure enough, it had rained.

I always sleep deepest on rainy nights, and wake up the most refreshed. I had to remind myself that today was Saturday. I was allowed to sleep in. But as soon as that thought registered, I knew I was Up. And when I'm Up, game over.

Yesterday may have been the longest day I can remember, but it was wonderful. For me. For Someone Else, it may or may not have been rather lame.

I'm always afraid of being Too Much. Of overdoing it. I want to be myself. I want to be real, but I'm learning that being myself doesn't always mean saying exactly what comes to mind all the time. Then again, how do I edit myself without carving away at my sincerity?

But I'm also afraid of Not Being Enough. Not pretty enough. Not smart enough. Not charming enough. Not good enough at sports. Not fun enough. Not having it together. Not a good enough cook. Not submissive enough. Not friendly enough. Not ...something.

Walking that line of balance is hardest when you can't see the line.