Not as bad as I seem.

It's 3:00 A.M. (I must be lonely)

I dumped my things on the floor, changed into the t-shirt, sweats, and thermal socks that serve as my pajamas until I can afford real ones. I wiped the dark makeup off my eyes, washed my face, brushed my teeth, and climbed into bed (the right side), with the nightstand light on. I'm sitting here, laptop on my... er... lap, while I wait for my body to wind down enough to let me sleep.

Driving up to LA tonight, we three girls got to talking about what girls always seem to end up talking about-- boys. A few things were said that stuck with me, and that I'm going to toss around in my head to see what my opinions are.

On the way home, I realized that this Cranberries concert was the first secular concert I've attended (with the exceptions of Herman's Hermits and Maroon V, both at the SD County Fair). When that thought came to mind, I realized with blinding clarity that, as worldly as I seem to be ("worldly" meaning "exposed to the outside world and not socially awkward"), I really have very little real life experience.

Never been to a concert. Never been "clubbing". Only ever kissed one person (that brief episode in high school really shouldn't count) seriously. Never made out. Never gotten "caught" doing something I shouldn't have.

All these things that people in the world normally do, I have never done. And I'm okay with that.

I have plenty of other experiences. And I learn from my mistakes. I rarely make the same mistake twice. I learn from others' mistakes, too. Saves me the trouble of having to make them all myself.

So, kissing for instance. Some of my friends insist on kissing in a relationship, because skill in that area is important to them. That's cool. I, however, have little to no experience in the field. If I only ever kiss one person for the rest of my life, I'm fine with that. And honestly, I won't know the difference since I have no comparison sample.

But I, like Henry Wotton, pretend to be more worldly than I am. I talk about love and life and sex and marriage and politics as if I know something. As if I have some deep wisdom or insight to impart.

But really, I have about as much insight as a blind man describing a sunset.