Who God made me to be is a mystery. I feel as if somewhere between the Beginning and now, I've lost track- like my real identity was stolen and I can't quite remember.
It's how I think an old woman might feel when she knows she's forgotten something. It's a latent frustration, a quiet misery that bores its determined way into my lonely heart. I know it's there... somewhere... If I could only remember. But my mind, it seems, or my heart, does not work the way it used to.
Maybe this is why the pantheistic religions appeal to me. They all focus on remembering your true identity. But for them, who you are is God. I am not God, but I do beliee that if we can remember who we were before the Fall, we'd find that we are far more powerful than we ever imagined...
God created us in His image- that is a beautiful, victorious, glory-filled thing! We are capable of fabulous acts, but our sin nature causes us to invent only destruction.
God teaches me that I am a Great Creation, His own Magnum Opus, but only when I am reflecting His Glory!
Juest the fact that I portray the image of God should cause me to act in a way that echoes this.
Monday, February 25, 2008
Monday, February 18, 2008
The Ecclesiology of Hand Holding
There's something sweet, innocent, and incredibly sensual about holding hands. I don't mean sensual in a sex-oriented way. I mean sensual in that it gives you a constant sensory reminder that someone else is there.
We ordered pizza the other night and just as Melissa said, "Let's pray," Caleb grabbed my hand. It was kind of a brusque, unpolished motion, but it was a brief reminder of it's not just us and even more so, it's not just me and God. I so often want to (in my Western mindset) separate my relationship with God from all my others. I want to say "It's just me and Jesus and that's all I need," but that's not the Gospel in Scripture.
Dietrich Bonhoeffer said, "The last individual thing I ever did was to become a Christian."
I've been meditating on that for some time. Especially since I'm in a relationship now- an honest, open, healthy, Godly relationship- it seems more obvious to me just how much we are called into community. We are not meant in any form to be alone. Some of us, yes, are called to be single. But not alone.
I think the church ignores singles as a group. It assumes that the default mode is married and the goal is to get everyone to fit into that framework. But the number of singles in the church is growing, not shrinking. We need to embrace the fact that singleness is a gift from God and we can learn from it- not just learn patience or how to bear the season that you are in until God brings you into a new one. We learn an amazing commitment to God and His principles. And we learn that community is not just two people. Not even three. Community is such a wide concept that we can't begin to understand it. This thing we've entered into- this relationship with millions of people worldwide- is a bond that no amount of persecution, torture, strife, or ignorance can break.
Tonight we went to a movie. Caleb and I held hands through the whole thing. At the slow parts, his thumb would caress the back of my hand and I'd be reminded that he was there. At the tense parts, I'd squeeze a bit and he'd squeeze back. We're a community, all of us.
Whose hand will you hold?
We ordered pizza the other night and just as Melissa said, "Let's pray," Caleb grabbed my hand. It was kind of a brusque, unpolished motion, but it was a brief reminder of it's not just us and even more so, it's not just me and God. I so often want to (in my Western mindset) separate my relationship with God from all my others. I want to say "It's just me and Jesus and that's all I need," but that's not the Gospel in Scripture.
Dietrich Bonhoeffer said, "The last individual thing I ever did was to become a Christian."
I've been meditating on that for some time. Especially since I'm in a relationship now- an honest, open, healthy, Godly relationship- it seems more obvious to me just how much we are called into community. We are not meant in any form to be alone. Some of us, yes, are called to be single. But not alone.
I think the church ignores singles as a group. It assumes that the default mode is married and the goal is to get everyone to fit into that framework. But the number of singles in the church is growing, not shrinking. We need to embrace the fact that singleness is a gift from God and we can learn from it- not just learn patience or how to bear the season that you are in until God brings you into a new one. We learn an amazing commitment to God and His principles. And we learn that community is not just two people. Not even three. Community is such a wide concept that we can't begin to understand it. This thing we've entered into- this relationship with millions of people worldwide- is a bond that no amount of persecution, torture, strife, or ignorance can break.
Tonight we went to a movie. Caleb and I held hands through the whole thing. At the slow parts, his thumb would caress the back of my hand and I'd be reminded that he was there. At the tense parts, I'd squeeze a bit and he'd squeeze back. We're a community, all of us.
Whose hand will you hold?
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
Hellos and Goodbyes
Did I ever mention that I hate Valentine's Day? I mean, I really hate it. There's an insane amount of pressure to show up with something great- far too many relationships hinge on how a guy performs his duty on this day.
This particular Valentine's Day is different. I'm not dealing with all my friends freshly in love. I'm not hounded by signs and sales and hearts dangling from ceilings. In fact, if not for the fact that the date is branded into my memory, I'd forget it altogether.
Also de-emphasizing Valentine's Day is the fact that Christy is leaving today. She's been here for a year and to see her go is like watching one of the main characters on your favorite sitcom get written out. She belongs here. She's a staple.
New Sarah arrived on Monday and we're getting her settled in, but it feels like I'm moving in on some turf- I'm taking Christy's room and I have to do it the day after she leaves... no time for closure.
Annelie is also leaving this week and Katie has gone to Sudan for a month. I'm saying goodbye to them and hello to new roommates... we'll see how we adjust.
This particular Valentine's Day is different. I'm not dealing with all my friends freshly in love. I'm not hounded by signs and sales and hearts dangling from ceilings. In fact, if not for the fact that the date is branded into my memory, I'd forget it altogether.
Also de-emphasizing Valentine's Day is the fact that Christy is leaving today. She's been here for a year and to see her go is like watching one of the main characters on your favorite sitcom get written out. She belongs here. She's a staple.
New Sarah arrived on Monday and we're getting her settled in, but it feels like I'm moving in on some turf- I'm taking Christy's room and I have to do it the day after she leaves... no time for closure.
Annelie is also leaving this week and Katie has gone to Sudan for a month. I'm saying goodbye to them and hello to new roommates... we'll see how we adjust.
Thursday, February 07, 2008
Tribalism is bad. Or, Why I'm Not a Republican
A few years ago, California voters passed legislation saying we wanted "open primaries," meaning that non-partisan voters should be able to vote for the nominee of the party of their choosing in the primary elections. Good plan, eh? Means people that don't fully subscribe to the tenets of either party but who like one particular candidate can still vote.
The GOP freaked out and went to court with the people's will, insisting that it has the "right" to a closed primary- only registered Republicans can vote for the GOP candidates. The DNC did no such thing. It embraced the open primary, knowing that it would receive more voters for its candidates. Why the GOP wants to keep its primary closed when the DNC is wide open is beyond me, but it's an interesting analogy for the stereotypical mental state of the parties: GOP remains exclusively closed-minded while DNC is so open-minded their brains fall out.
Sucks for the GOP, many people said. They just lose votes.
Talk about angering the voters, though. See, the GOP has to announce ahead of time whether its primary is going to be open or closed. Its deadline is in December, which normally isn't a problem because the California primaries don't happen until June. Except... Oops.
Remember when we moved our primary up to February? Yeah, about that... someone forgot to change the GOP's deadline and although they did announce their closed primary this year, there apparently wasn't enough time to filter through all the mail and change partisanship in many conservative counties. So the problem we had was hundreds of people coming up to the voting booth asking for a GOP ballot and not being allowed to vote because they are still registered Non Partisan. Sure, they could vote on local matters and propositions, but not on the important things. This, needless to say, pissed a lot of people off.
Let's flip the coin and look at the other side for a moment.
I live in Kenya now, and the political situation here reeks of corruption. Years ago the then-President was pressured by the world community to introduce a multi-party system to Kenya's election process. This man, being rather intelligent, decided that if he was going to have to create opposition to his rule, he might as well do it in a way that benefited him most. So he created multiple political parties, but divided them not along ideological lines, but rather along tribal lines.
He eventually overplayed the tribal card and people began to catch on. So they voted in another president. And now they complain that the most recent elections were rigged to return that president to office. There are over 100 political parties in Kenya, and most of them have the same ideological principles. Meaning people vote for their tribe, regardless of the candidate's record.
It sounds familiar. I know far too many people in the US who will vote with one party, regardless of the candidate. I, frankly, can hardly tell the difference between Republican and Democrat anymore. Republicans are barely conservative in their records and Democrats pass themselves off as moderates to get votes. It's not about change anymore. It's not about the issues. It's about whattribe party you're with.
Remember when voting meant that you cared about who got into office, not just who didn't get in?
The GOP freaked out and went to court with the people's will, insisting that it has the "right" to a closed primary- only registered Republicans can vote for the GOP candidates. The DNC did no such thing. It embraced the open primary, knowing that it would receive more voters for its candidates. Why the GOP wants to keep its primary closed when the DNC is wide open is beyond me, but it's an interesting analogy for the stereotypical mental state of the parties: GOP remains exclusively closed-minded while DNC is so open-minded their brains fall out.
Sucks for the GOP, many people said. They just lose votes.
Talk about angering the voters, though. See, the GOP has to announce ahead of time whether its primary is going to be open or closed. Its deadline is in December, which normally isn't a problem because the California primaries don't happen until June. Except... Oops.
Remember when we moved our primary up to February? Yeah, about that... someone forgot to change the GOP's deadline and although they did announce their closed primary this year, there apparently wasn't enough time to filter through all the mail and change partisanship in many conservative counties. So the problem we had was hundreds of people coming up to the voting booth asking for a GOP ballot and not being allowed to vote because they are still registered Non Partisan. Sure, they could vote on local matters and propositions, but not on the important things. This, needless to say, pissed a lot of people off.
Let's flip the coin and look at the other side for a moment.
I live in Kenya now, and the political situation here reeks of corruption. Years ago the then-President was pressured by the world community to introduce a multi-party system to Kenya's election process. This man, being rather intelligent, decided that if he was going to have to create opposition to his rule, he might as well do it in a way that benefited him most. So he created multiple political parties, but divided them not along ideological lines, but rather along tribal lines.
He eventually overplayed the tribal card and people began to catch on. So they voted in another president. And now they complain that the most recent elections were rigged to return that president to office. There are over 100 political parties in Kenya, and most of them have the same ideological principles. Meaning people vote for their tribe, regardless of the candidate's record.
It sounds familiar. I know far too many people in the US who will vote with one party, regardless of the candidate. I, frankly, can hardly tell the difference between Republican and Democrat anymore. Republicans are barely conservative in their records and Democrats pass themselves off as moderates to get votes. It's not about change anymore. It's not about the issues. It's about what
Remember when voting meant that you cared about who got into office, not just who didn't get in?
Tuesday, February 05, 2008
Kierkegaard's Duck Story
One Sunday morning in Duckland all the ducks dutifully came to church, waddling through the doors and down the aisles to their pews where they comfortably squatted.
When all were situated and the hymns were sung, the duck minister waddled to his pulpit, opened the Duck Bible and read: "Ducks! Ye have wings, and with wings ye can fly like eagles. Ye canst soar into the sky! Use thy wings!"
It was a marvelous, elevating duck scripture, and thus all the ducks quacked their approval with a hearty A-MEN!
And then they plopped down from their pews and waddled home.
(adapted from Hughes, James: Faith That Works, p 117)
When all were situated and the hymns were sung, the duck minister waddled to his pulpit, opened the Duck Bible and read: "Ducks! Ye have wings, and with wings ye can fly like eagles. Ye canst soar into the sky! Use thy wings!"
It was a marvelous, elevating duck scripture, and thus all the ducks quacked their approval with a hearty A-MEN!
And then they plopped down from their pews and waddled home.
(adapted from Hughes, James: Faith That Works, p 117)
Lent
There's a part of me that's always wished I was Catholic.
The tradition and liturgy calls out to me and comforts me with its repetitive ripples. I want to wrap myself in the warm reassurance of the Mass and the continual surges of spirit that come with the habits encouraged by the traditionalistic denominations.
Sometimes after I pray, hands facing up, rocking back and forth, I want more closure than just our "In Jesus name, Amen".
On Sunday we had communion and I loved the way we did it. The men stood up front, one with bread and one with wine. We went to them,broke a piece of bread off and dipped it in the cup. The men spoke in kind low voices: "The body of Christ, broken for you," and "The blood of Christ, shed for you." I took mine, whispered, "Amen," and partook of my sacrament. I crossed myself.
I didn't mean to. It just happened. It was a sign to myself, I suppose, that I remembered the reason that the Passover Lamb was slaughtered, its blood painted across the doors of our houses, and on our bodies.
Ephesians talks about being "stamped" with the sign of God and it conjures pictures of the mark of the Beast- those stamped by God can't take the Beast's stamp.
Today is Mardi Gras, Fat Tuesday. It's traditionally a Catholic party day to get all your sinning in before Lent starts tomorrow and you have to be good for forty days. Ash Wednesday is the beginning of the season of penitence and meditation before Easter.
It's customary to give something up during Lent- chocolate or caffeine or meat. I've done all that. Meat, I think, was the hardest. I'm not a hard-core carnivore, but I like it enough that not eating it for a month wasn't easy.
This year, I'm taking a step up. I'm fasting from books. I can't imagine going a month or more without reading. It's not just my fallback activity. It's my life. I'm an avid learner. To stop learning, for me, is to die. Reading is the way I learn. I'm not giving up my Bible. It's going to be my sole reading material (aside from email) for the month. We'll see how it goes.
Giving something up for Lent doesn't make you a better Christian. It doesn't get you another jewel in your crown or score you points with God. It's a personal discipline, a tiny return on Christ's sacrifice. I try to do something different every year- pieces of my living sacrifice that I remind myself I must crucify to Jesus every day. If I fail, no one will know but God and I.
Our relationship is not defined by my success or failure during Lent but it is enhanced when, every time I look at one of my books, I pray for strength and smile, knowing that God is bigger than my Will.
The tradition and liturgy calls out to me and comforts me with its repetitive ripples. I want to wrap myself in the warm reassurance of the Mass and the continual surges of spirit that come with the habits encouraged by the traditionalistic denominations.
Sometimes after I pray, hands facing up, rocking back and forth, I want more closure than just our "In Jesus name, Amen".
On Sunday we had communion and I loved the way we did it. The men stood up front, one with bread and one with wine. We went to them,broke a piece of bread off and dipped it in the cup. The men spoke in kind low voices: "The body of Christ, broken for you," and "The blood of Christ, shed for you." I took mine, whispered, "Amen," and partook of my sacrament. I crossed myself.
I didn't mean to. It just happened. It was a sign to myself, I suppose, that I remembered the reason that the Passover Lamb was slaughtered, its blood painted across the doors of our houses, and on our bodies.
Ephesians talks about being "stamped" with the sign of God and it conjures pictures of the mark of the Beast- those stamped by God can't take the Beast's stamp.
Today is Mardi Gras, Fat Tuesday. It's traditionally a Catholic party day to get all your sinning in before Lent starts tomorrow and you have to be good for forty days. Ash Wednesday is the beginning of the season of penitence and meditation before Easter.
It's customary to give something up during Lent- chocolate or caffeine or meat. I've done all that. Meat, I think, was the hardest. I'm not a hard-core carnivore, but I like it enough that not eating it for a month wasn't easy.
This year, I'm taking a step up. I'm fasting from books. I can't imagine going a month or more without reading. It's not just my fallback activity. It's my life. I'm an avid learner. To stop learning, for me, is to die. Reading is the way I learn. I'm not giving up my Bible. It's going to be my sole reading material (aside from email) for the month. We'll see how it goes.
Giving something up for Lent doesn't make you a better Christian. It doesn't get you another jewel in your crown or score you points with God. It's a personal discipline, a tiny return on Christ's sacrifice. I try to do something different every year- pieces of my living sacrifice that I remind myself I must crucify to Jesus every day. If I fail, no one will know but God and I.
Our relationship is not defined by my success or failure during Lent but it is enhanced when, every time I look at one of my books, I pray for strength and smile, knowing that God is bigger than my Will.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)