Ritual

I've thought for some time now that the little things we do, the little habits we have, the routines we repeat over and over... those are the things that keep us sane.

My perfect example is drying off after a shower. Think about it... you probably do exactly the same thing every time. Now, in the past year, I have used at least 5 different showers. But my dry-off pattern is exactly the same. Face first, then neck. Wrap a small towel around my hair. Left arm, Right arm, Left leg (step out), Right leg (step out), wrap towel around and tuck in on right side.

Life is so unpredictable. We can control so very little of it. Our little habits are the things that we can control. Brushing my teeth. I've been doing it pretty much the same way for years. The same thing. Every day. Washing my face. My morning routine.

Yesterday I told my roommate I was going to take a nap in the afternoon, so I went to my room. She walked by a few minutes later and saw me reading. "Thought you were going to take a nap?" she said. "I am," said I. To her, taking a nap means lying down and going to sleep. To me, it means reading myself to sleep. Every night when I go to bed, I read for a bit before turning off the light. I've been doing this since I was a little kid. Now, I'm not sure if I can fall asleep without reading for a bit.

I think this is why marriage can be so tough at the beginning. You're having to adjust to someone else's routine. Someone else's rituals. Sometimes the rituals can conflict.

I noticed this when my roommate and I moved into an apartment with only one bathroom. Our morning routines had to be rethought, because we were infringing on each other's bathroom time. Now we have a sort of schedule worked out, but it's going to require me to get a vanity so I can do my morning prep in my room and not in the bathroom.

I like my routines. I like the way I do things. I like that no one is telling me how I should do things. But I'm also glad that my parents taught me some of these habits, because sometimes I realize that though the way I go about doing things is counterintuitive, it is also a lot more organized and sensical than what I would have done without the training.

Notice also the emphasis on tradition in the Bible. The Jewish holidays have meticulously-planned rituals of celebration. And everything has a meaning. Even the things not precisely described in the Bible have value: a devotional time (in the morning) when we read the Bible, meditate, pray. A workout routine is specifically designed to be the most beneficial for that person's body. And if the person deviates from it, he can undo his hard work or even injure himself.

Now, none of this is to say that we can't change our rituals if we see the need to, or if we have a change of heart. We certainly can. And we should. We wouldn't be true to ourselves if we didn't.

I spend weekends with my K.i.S.A. Our work schedules conflict sometimes, but I am free on weekends, and so we spend Friday evening, Saturday, and Sunday lunch together. Including Tuesday night Bible Study, those are the only times we get to see one another, usually. So, I've had to change my weekend routine to suit. And that's fine.

One of my favorite things about him is that I can talk to him about anything and everything. And we do talk about a lot of different things. A standard conversation can begin with "Definition of a head cold" and morph through quantum physics, English grammar, and deep opinions on holidays.

So I've been thinking about what traditions I want to cultivate. His opinion has been important to me for several years now, and even more so now. We sometimes have differing opinions, but not very often.

I know this: Thanksgiving is very important to me. But the turkey and the yams and the mashed potatoes are not that important. When I was a little kid, my family would go up to the mountains every Thanksgiving and have a picnic. We haven't done that in years, but I have wonderful nostalgic memories of it.

And Christmas... Christmas Eve is important to me. More than Christmas Day, but that's because we're German.

The pint is, Pip, that we have these routines, these rituals, these traditions, for a reason. The help us navigate our way through the insanity of life. And that's a good thing.