Thursday, November 19, 2009

Friend Request: Denied.

My K.i.S.A. loves to hate those "Jesus is My Homeboy" t-shirts. He thinks they're too familiar. I think he has a problem with the idea of people thinking of God as a buddy-- a cool friend to hang out with. And he's right, of course. The God of the universe, the Creator, the Prime Mover, loves you, cares about you, and is deeply interested in you living the victorious life. But He's not your buddy.

The Bible does refer to Him as a friend, though:
"Thus the LORD used to speak to Moses face to face, as a man speaks to his friend." (Ex. 33:11)

"Did you not, our God, drive out the inhabitants of this land before your people Israel, and give it forever to the descendants of Abraham your friend?" (2 Ch. 20:7)

"A man of many companions may come to ruin, but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother." (Pr. 18:24)

"But you, Israel, my servant, Jacob, whom I have chosen, the offspring of Abraham, my friend;" (Is.41:8)

"The Son of Man came eating and drinking, and they say, 'Look at him! A glutton and a drunkard, afriend of tax collectors and sinners!' Yet wisdom is justified by her deeds."" (Mt. 11:19)

"Jesus said to him, "Friend, do what you came to do." Then they came up and laid hands on Jesus and seized him." (Mt. 26:50)

"and the Scripture was fulfilled that says, "Abraham believed God, and it was counted to him as righteousness"--and he was called a friend of God." (Ja. 2:23)

So where's the disconnect? Why can't we be friends of God, too?

The Scriptures use at least 5 different words which are translated as "friend" in the verses where God is referred to as such:
Rea': a an intimate companion
'amiyth: relation, neighbour, associate, fellow
'ahab: human love to and for God; a lover; God's love for man
Philos: an associate; a companion
Hetairos: a comrade, mate, partner

So God should be several things to us: an intimate companion, a close neighbor, a lover, a comrade.

Yesterday in Chapel, my principal said that God is most real to him during his quiet time in the morning. This is when he communes with God, when God speaks to him. My best friend also tells me about God talking to her, telling her things. I find myself wishing that God would speak to me that way.

To be honest, my time with God always seems to be contrived. I have to cut time out of my day, or deprive myself of much-needed sleep in order to meet with God. And then I read my Bible, I try to pray, I try to listen.

Silence.

Sometimes, once in a blue moon, I'll find something new in the Scriptures. Something that excites me. But the excitement soon wanes and again I find myself deserted.

And I know, God says He will never desert us. But that's what it feels like.

Then, of course, some genius comes along and says, "If God feels far away, guess who moved." Great. Now, on top of feeling abandoned and unloved, I also feel guilty. Perfect. Now you're telling me that I'm not trying hard enough. That I'm not doing enough to reassure myself that God loves me and wants to spend time with me. I'm sure that's exactly what God wants our relationship to be.

But here's the thing: I shouldn't have to convince myself that God wants to spend time with me. If you spend your time convincing yourself that someone loves you, do they really? If you have to keep reassuring yourself that someone does, after all, want to spend time with you, whom are you trying to convince?

I want to feel God's love for me, not just read about it. I want to experience the joy that comes from knowing that God considers me a friend. As of right now, I sing about it in the old hymns, I hear it from the pulpit. But my relationship with God is academic. It's top-down. I don't feel like I can boldly approach His throne.

Dear God,
What can I do so that You'll talk to me? Why is the Bible dry so much of the time? Where is this never-ending stream of living water you promised me? How long will you forget me? Why don't you protect me from the waves of despair that crash over me? Why can't our relationship be as intimate as I see that other people have? What am I doing wrong?

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