Alice in Wonderland... and morality?

I'm not going to get into a full review of Tim Burton's new Alice in Wonderland movie. But there was one thing that particularly struck me which I'm going to point out.

The White Queen (played by Anne Hathaway as either ethereal or disconnected-- I couldn't decide) has made a personal vow never to harm a living thing.  However, in order to oust the evil Red Queen from the throne, someone must kill the Jabberwocky, a stereotypically draconian beast which is the Red Queen's greatest weapon.  The White Queen obviously can't do it herself, so she has spent the last several years searching for a champion who will kill it.  The ancient prophecy says that this champion will be Alice, who has forgotten that she's been in Wonderland before.

This is the basic plot of the film.

It's the White Queen's vow on which I care to focus.

See, while she's vowed not to harm any living thing herself, she seems to have no problem with killing or war in general.  She leads the army into battle, but cannot participate.  She has all the tools necessary for reclaiming her throne, but cannot act.  And she seems to have no qualms about putting severed human fingers into a potion she makes.

My point here is that she seems to be a bit hypocritical.  It's almost as if she's bound to this vow against her will.  We're never told why she made it or to whom.  Only that she's sworn not to harm anything.

Now the question arises: if you have no problem with living things being harmed in war or otherwise, why vow not to do it?  I'm not going to make a vow not to eat meat.  You know why?  Because I don't have a problem with eating meat.

Not to mention, accessory to a crime is punished as a crime itself.  Supporting someone who does something you believe is wrong is also wrong.

So, White Queen, your vows don't make much sense.

Broken and Done

When you break a bone or get seriously injured, there's a series of emotions you experience as the healing process occurs.
1. You feel shock at first, pained by the wound.  The experience is new to you, and you begin to realize how often you used that particular part of your body.
2. Next, you start learning to live without it.  You reorganize your habits to favor your wound.  You might learn to use crutches, or to write left-handed.  The learning is tedious, but rewarding after some initial frustration.
3. Finding that some tasks simply require full use of your wounded limb, you become angry and frustrated.  Sometimes even depressed.  You can't do as much as you used to, and you miss it.
4. You begin to cope with life as you are, wound and everything.
5. As your wound reaches the stage where it's no longer constantly painful, you start wanting to use it again, but you can't.  You need to give it time to heal still, lest it not regain its full strength.
6. Your energy has returned and the cast is almost ready to come off.  Almost.  Mentally, you're ready to move on.  You're done with the cast.  Done with the crutches.  You're sick of being wounded, being in pain, being encumbered by this thing in your life.  You're mentally ready for the next thing, but your body is not fully healed yet.  You just have to wait it out.
7. Finally, the cast comes off.  The crutches are gone.  The bandages have been removed.  Physical evidence of the wound is reduced to a scar on that spot, but the pain still shows up, occasionally.  You favor that limb for some time.  You're extra careful with it, not wanting to be hurt again.

It occurs to me that these steps are oddly similar to the stages of recovery at the end of a relationship.

Right now, I'm in stage 6.  I am so emotionally done with being hurt, angry, sensitive.  I'm mentally finished with all the crying, moping around.  I want to move on.  I'm ready for the next adventure.

But my heart is still broken.  The bandages are still there, covering the wound as it slowly grows back together.

I'm mentally and emotionally tired of all the breakup trauma.  But I have to admit that I invested five years of my life (that's one-fifth, twenty percent for you stats people) in this relationship.  The pain's not just going to ebb away.  I have just lost five years' worth of relationship energy.  It's going to take a while to recover.

And all I can do is wait.

Photo Series: Birch Aquarium

This may not always be true, but this is how I feel right now:



Lyrics Below:


I'm through with love
I'll never fall again.
Said adieu to love
Don't ever call again.
For I must have you or no one
And so I'm through with love.


I've locked my heart
I'll keep my feelings there.
I have stocked my heart
with icy, frigid air.
And I mean to care for no one
Because I'm through with love.


Why did you lead me
to think you could care?
You didn't need me
for you had your share
of slaves around you
to hound you and swear
with deep emotion and devotion to you.


Goodbye to spring and all it meant to me
It can never bring the thing that used to be.
For I must have you or no one
And so I'm through with love.
And so I'm through with...
Baby, I'm through with love.

A poem about music

Another etude dances through the air
Reminding me that you aren't there.

More ballades with their rhyme and beat
Chopin's opi seem less sweet.

I sing with the canta's sweeping note
The bitter melody catches in my throat.

A Baroque capri floats lively and free
But there is little comfort in't for me.

The sonata's wandering fantasy tones
But I still feel your loss in my bones.

A suite can liven my sorrowful heart
But in it I feel no depth of art.

The dulcet nocturne evokes the night
When I fight the tears with all my might.

Schumann's tocatta taps out a tune
this bittersweet music tells me it's too soon.

My Wordle

Wordle's a fun way to make word images.  I recently plugged in my blog address and had it screen my latest entries.  The largest words are the most common, and the smaller ones are less so...  guess what I talk about a lot...

Dear Person,

Today, you chided me for being insecure.

I opened up to you and instead of responding with grace and compassion, you chastened me.  You told me to snap out of it.  You told me what I already knew: that Christ's love for me should be enough.  And when I said I know that, but that it's not enough, you made me feel guilty.

Thanks.

No, really.  Thank you for making me feel even worse about something that I already struggle with.  Thanks for taking my vulnerability and kicking it like a can along the ground.

And thanks for the advice.  When I talked about the ten thousand advertising messages I get every day that tell me I'm not good enough, you said, "Hey, don't pay attention to that."

Wow!  I never thought of that before!  From now on, I'll never listen to the radio or watch TV or a movie, or look at a magazine or enter a store!  That way, I'll be free!  I'll drive blindfolded to work so I don't see the ads on the street!  And I'll never leave the house!

And when I talked about the inadequacy of the internal whisper of Jesus and His love in contrast to the screaming broadcasts of the world, you said, "So just don't listen to the enemy."

Gosh!  I'm shocked that I never thought of that before!  Wow, I didn't know that I had a switch like that in my head that I could just flip, and shut out all the negative influences around me!  Could you show me where that switch is?  I'd like to turn it off now, so I can stop being insecure and be super secure like you!

I'm so excited to learn about my magical ability to stop living in this fallen world!  I just have to flip my magic switch, and I'll never be insecure again!

Thank you, Person.  I'm thrilled that you can help me so much.  I'm glad that you are so full of advice, and you know exactly what to say in every situation.

I'll never struggle with insecurity again, thanks to your sanctified wisdom.

This is brilliant

but I mean it mostly as a joke. I got it from verydemotivational.com

They lied to us.

That's right, I'm about to bash a movie that most of my friends love.

The jerks who made the ridiculous film 500 Days of Summer lied to us right from the beginning.  They thought they were doing us a favor, but really they were just playing to our idealistic yearnings.

See, here's the thing...

The first line of the film says, "This is a story of boy meets girl...  You should know up front that this is not a love story."  But then they give you just that: a love story.

Ah, but the twist!  The twist is (and this doesn't ruin the film) that the people who fall in love in this movie do not end up together.

But it is a love story.  Just not one with the happy ending you wanted.

I hate to say this, and I know it'll make me sound really cynical, but most love stories do not have happy endings.  They just end with someone getting hurt.

As did the love story in 500 Days of Summer.  Hollywood wants you to believe that there is no true love story except the story where you meet "The One", that single person who was made solely for you with whom you will spend the rest of your life.

But that's just not true.  Anytime you truly fall in love, that's a love story.  And as you probably know, most of those end tragically.  No wedding bells.  No climactic kiss on a bridge surrounded by rainbows and cherubs and lambs and flowers and sunshine.

Just a sad and lonely woman gasping for breath through her sobs as she fills her life with work and chocolate.

Is 2010 just going to be a sucky year?

January 1: Boyfriend gets scheduled to work New Year's Eve.  Don't get to ring in the new year together.

February 20: Best relationship ever ends on my 25th birthday.

March 17: Greatest boss I've ever had dies suddenly of a heart attack at the age of 56.

Three months, increasingly worse news.

What else could go wrong?

If this continues, by the end of the year I'll have enough material to write a country song.

The Games We Play

I've been thinking a lot about the 'games' that women supposedly play.  You know:
-not saying what we really mean
-expecting guys to "know" what's wrong without us telling
-manipulating men to do what we want them to
-toying with them

Remember all those "annoying" things that women do?
Yeah, it occurs to me, as a woman who does precisely none of those things, that guys actually like that.  But check it out, ladies: they're sneaky about it.  They give it different names.

So, if they're just over a relationship, or with a girl that does these things, they call it nagging or manipulation or games.

But if they're on the lookout for a new girl, one who does all the stuff they grew to despise in the previous one, the same actions get an entirely new name.

Yeah, that's right.

It's called charm.

A suggestion

If you're not already familiar with HowItShouldHaveEnded.com, I suggest you get really familiar.  Like, right now.

Love Song

The basic premise here is that a German comedian composed a little two-line "I love you" song, and learned it in over 200 languages.  He even made it rhyme.  About halfway through he asks people to shout out languages and he sings the song in that language.
If you don't understand German, you can't really get all the talking in this video, but the individual songs are still valuable.  Maybe someday I'll do subtitles to this video...

Late Night Musings of a Depressive Chocoholic

I just spent a whole afternoon/evening with my best friend.  She makes me feel great!  I love our conversation, our kindredness, and how we communicate.

But now I'm alone in my room, feeling the loneliness creeping in.  This is how I feel right now:
Washed-up.
Finished.
Forgotten.
Boring.
Messy.
Unwanted.
Average.
Denied.
Complicated.
Uninteresting.
Leftover.

See here's the thing: men have their neat little boxes through which they compartmentalize their lives.  Relationship over?  Oh, I'll just close that box.

It's not that easy for women.

Our relationships are not just a section of our lives-- they run through the entire fabric, a hot pink thread which adds to the mosaic composing who we are.  Take out a relationship and you grab that thread and pull.  Have you ever pulled a thread on a knit sweater?  That's what it's like.  The whole garment gets scrunched and disfigured just because that one piece was removed.  And then you have to pull it back apart, smooth it out, fill in the gaps.

For a woman, putting your life back together and making yourself presentable after a breakup is ever so much more involved than just shutting a box and labeling it "Old Clothes".

Happy Pi Day

Ah, my dear American Math Geeks,

today is 3/14, the day known to all people in America as "Pi Day".

Why not in the whole world, you ask?
Well, the rest of the world writes the date differently.  They write the day before the month.  So, for instance, today is 14/3/10.  For the rest of the world, Pi Day can't be today, since 14/3 doesn't make any sense.

Does the rest of the world miss out on this most wonderful celebration of geekiness, you wonder?  No, in fact they don't!  The rest of the world, both more precise than Americans and different in their date-writing habits, assigns the day August 22nd to be Pi Day.

If you know anything about Pi, you know that the fraction which most closely gives us the magic math number is 22/7.  And with their date-writing being different, the rest of the world recognizes this number to be equal to the date given above.

And so, dear friends, fret not!  For the glories of Pi Day are celebrated the world over, if on a different day.

My Proof

For my birthday this year, my best friend gave me one of the most thoughtful and appropriate gifts I've ever received: a yearlong membership to the Museum of Photographic Arts.

I went yesterday to change my address on the account, and decided to walk through.  There's an expo right now on the definition of beauty as seen through a photographer's lens.  It's a great little feature and I so much enjoyed the variety.

One photograph, however, one of the first I saw, struck me.  It's by photographer Duane Michals  See a small copy here:

If you can't read the text at the bottom, this is what it says: "This photograph is my proof.  There was that afternoon when things were still good between us, and she embraced me, and we were so happy.  It did happen.  She did love me.  Look, see for yourself!"

The photograph itself is well done.  It's soft, sweet, whimsical.  But the text underneath adds a bittersweet note to it.  We all have these moments where we doubt someone actually loved us.  In those moments, when we see the physical proof that they did, it brings back all the lovely and sad memories from those times.

But along with the bitter taste of loss, comes a little hope.  If at some point I was loved, if she did love him at one time, then there's the possibility that he and I can be loved and can love again.  All is not lost!  See the proof here!  I am not unlovable!

Two Amazing Videos

First, an Add from Sussex, UK which qualifies as art:


And now, the inspirational speeches from 40 different movies, all mashed together:

With Respect

I don't want to dwell on my heartache and emotional trauma very much more.  I feel grieved out and my boss pulled a sermon out of nowhere today which convicted me to the depth of my soul.  I'm moving on soon, and I'm sure that the attitude of my blog entries will improve.


As I'm moving on, I thought I'd mention this.  I've been searching for song chords to play on my guitar and came across the wide variety of songs written by Bill and Gloria Gaither.  Now, I grew up with Gaither songs in our church hymnals, and so I knew already that they had written "He Touched Me" and "It Will Be Worth It All" and   "Let's Just Praise the Lord" and "The Family of God".  But what I didn't know was that they also wrote all those great Sandi Patti songs like "Unshakable Kingdom" and "Upon This Rock".  And even "Because He Lives".


I recently came across one of their songs entitled "I Will Serve Thee."  I wasn't immediately captured by the lyrics, but then I saw the chorus, which says:


Heartaches, broken pieces
Ruined lives are why You died on Calvary
Your touch was what I longed for
You have given life to me


Those lyrics caught me.  I then went back and looked at other lyrics from the Gaither songs.  Here are some of them:


From "He Touched Me"
Shackled by a heavy burden, 'Neath a load of guilt and shame. Then the hand of Jesus touched me, And now I am no longer the same. He touched me, Oh He touched me, 
And oh the joy that floods my soul! Something happened and now I know, He touched me and made me whole.


From "Because He Lives"
Because He lives, I can face tomorrow.
Because He lives, All fear is gone.
Because I know He holds the future,
And life is worth the living just because He lives.


Songs that I've known from childhood have come back to comfort me.  And thought the Gaithers will probably never read this, I want to thank them for the work they've done.  For their courage in admitting that the Christian life is not always flowers and lambs and sunshine.  And for reminding me that Jesus came not just to save me from my sin, but to heal my broken heart.  My questions remain unanswered, but the answers seem less important now than just the process of asking.  And I have peace in my soul, knowing that this world and its trials are passing, and that "It will be worth it all when we see Jesus".

The reason I avoid associating myself with Baptists, even though I probably am one.

Catch-22

There are many occasions in my life that I can look back  and think, "Man, I behaved really immaturely there."  And of course I'm right.  I do behave immaturely quite often, especially when dealing with strife or emotional trauma.  


I can also remember on some of those occasions talking to my friends and having them tell me, "That's a really immature thing to do."  They were right, too.  But they were outside the issue and there's nothing saying that given the same situation they would have acted any differently or any more maturely than I did.


Finally, I remember times when my friend was going through a problem and was acting in an immature manner.  And guess what?  I knew it was immature at the time, and sometimes I said so.  But in that case, I was the one outside the issue.


So it comes down to this: emotional distress makes us act stupid.  And the more time passes, the more experience we get.  And hence, the more mature we become.


So yes, I've done some stupid and immature things in the past two weeks, and I'm sure there are many more stupid and immature things to come.  Not that I like behaving this way, but often it seems the thing to do at the time.  It's not until later, when I have the experience, that I realize how much I screwed up.  But I don't get experience unless I go through these things and screw up.

The phrase "Catch-22" comes from the book of the same title by Joseph Heller.  In it, he labels several issues with that term, all of them self-contradictory or circular in their reasoning.  The original Catch-22 is this: A pilot cannot be grounded unless he is insane.  However, he must request to be grounded.  The actual quote from the book is here: 

Orr was crazy and could be grounded. All he had to do was ask; and as soon as he did, he would no longer be crazy and would have to fly more missions. Orr would be crazy to fly more missions and sane if he didn't, but if he was sane he had to fly them. If he flew them he was crazy and didn't have to; but if he didn't want to he was sane and had to.

The whole point is that the logic is circular.  And so it is with experience.  You can't avoid a mess if you don't have it, but you can't get it unless you make a mess.

Or, as a friend of mine put it, "Experience is the comb that life gives you after you've gone bald."

Let it be known:

when I write poems, they are not intended to be deep or intense.  They are intentionally bad poems.
Because my new favorite thing is writing bad poetry.  It's fun.

Flora

My memories of her
are dim
like the spiderwebs
of sleep
left over in your mind
early
in the morning.

Every thought brings only
a blur.
Long, thick, black hair
red lips
Softly manicured hands
slim waist
Perfect hourglass figure
smooth legs.

The occasional apron reaching
to her knees
She pops her foot up
and smiles
that perfect, radiant smile.

I remember now,
remember the envy
jealousy
covetous rage
in my heart.

I idolized her.
I wanted to be her.
She stood on that pedestal
sneering down at me
with her stupid
charm.

But now
after so many years,
here we are
in the same
sad
sinking
depressing
waterlogged
boat.

OLD

written Thursday March 04, 2009

I look in the mirror
Every day between classes.

Straighten my hair
Check my eyeliner
Make sure it's not smudged.

I try to look fresh for my students.
So I can fool them
Into thinking I'm not
A) depressed.
B) tired.
C) angry.
D) all of the above.

Today, I take another moment
to look.
The harsh fluorescent light is
not flattering,
for sure.

Deep, reddened lines accentuate my forehead.
Dark circles surround and ambush my eyes.
Dry lips feather out, disappearing into pale skin.
One deep wrinkle owns the space between my eyebrows.
My cheeks are mottled and discolored.

In short,
I look
old.

But with none of the
beauty that we see
in old Hollywood actresses.

No, I am the plain kind of old.
The kind of old of your second grade teacher.
Normal.  But old.

As I study my face,
wondering how I aged so fast
in only a few days,
I look at my pale lashes and
realize,
with horror:

I've forgotten to put on makeup.

The Dream

Never, in my short life, have I ever been happier than I was two months ago.  I was freshly in love, for the first time and luckily enough someone loved me back.  And never have I been more distraught than in the past two weeks, when that love was crushed and rejected.

This sets the stage for what I'm about to say.  See, in my last relationship, my boyfriend bought me a lot of things.  It started early and escalated.  I've never had anyone shower me with gifts as much as he did.  Every time I turn around, I see something he gave me and I smile, remembering with bittersweet emotion the events surrounding each gift.

When I mentioned that I was cold all the time because our house heaters were broken, he bought me a thermal blanket.  When I nearly froze to death on our walks around the lake, he got me a jacket rated down to 0 degrees.  When I complained about the bad quality of the cheap speakers I bought for my Zune, he brought me a docking station.  And in the end, when I complained that he had broken my coffee grinder, he placed a much better one on my doorstep, even though we'd already broken up.

But lately, I've been having a recurring dream.  It haunts my sleep by night and plagues my thoughts by day.

In it, I gather up all the things he bought me.  The blanket first, on the bottom.  Then the jacket.  The plaid peacoat from my birthday next.  The two box sets of Ender books  from Christmas.  The coffee grinder.  The docking station.  The pi poster in my classroom.  All the little things, too.  They all go together.

And once I've gathered them all up, I go and knock on his door.  He opens it amid the rain that falls around us, though we aren't getting wet.  The rain that matches the tears running down my cheeks.  I shove the gifts into his arms.

He protests, of course, reiterating what he said when we broke up.  I had asked him if he wanted those things back, or if he wanted some kind of refund for all the money he wasted on me.  "No," he said then and still says now, "It was worth it."

But I don't believe him and I force the items toward him.  "No!  Take them!"  I shout.  "You can have them."  By this time my lips are trembling and I can barely speak.  "Please," I beg shamelessly now.  "I'll do anything.  Just please... give me my heart back?"

Trampled

That's how I feel.  Stepped on.  Downtrodden.

I feel akin to a shirt in a retail store-- tried on, evaluated, torn off, and discarded onto the floor.  Who's going to want a shirt with a muddy boot stain on it?

I don't want to just lay here until someone comes to pick me up, fold me, and put me away.  Or take me home.

But no one's going to want me.  I'm going to sit on the shelf until I get old and dusty.  And then I'll be put on a discount rack at a steep discount until either someone takes me out of pity, or I'm tossed away.

Or at least, that's how it feels right now.

20 Questions (Post 200!)

For my 100th post I listed a bunch of things that I was learning.  This is my 200th post, nearly 2 years later.

I came across a list of questions that the writers recommend you ask yourself to find out what you're looking for, or what you want.  They say if someone were to read your answers, they'd know a lot about you, so I though I'd post this here. 

1. Who is the most important person in your life, and why?
My mother and my best friend. They are wise and kind, and make sure that I'm thinking about my actions and behaving properly. And they challenge me to become a better person.

2. What is the one dream for your life you most look forward to achieving?
The one thing I want more than anything is to be loved desperately, passionately, but that's not really something I can achieve. So, for things that I can actually achieve, I would like to change just one life for the better.

3. Who has the capacity to make you angrier than anyone else in your life, and what in particular does he or she do to make you so angry?
My dad. When he's insensitive to others, or makes a joke out of hurting someone, it really angers me because there's nothing I can do.

4. Who has the capacity to make you feel loved more than anyone else in your life, and what in particular does he or she do to cause you to feel so lovable?
My best friend, when she spends time with me, calls me, shares her heart.

5. How do you feel about yourself—physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually?
I'm insecure about my physical appearance, because of all the competition we get from the media.
I'm pretty emotionally stable, but I have my roller-coaster moments, especially when my heart gets discarded like a dirty shirt.
I'm intelligent, but not brilliant. I like to think about things.
I wish I was stronger spiritually, but I can do nothing without God's help.

6. When do you feel inspired? How does it feel when you are inspired?
I feel inspired by nature. When I'm outside surrounded by trees or at the beach or on the cliffs or in the desert, I feel strong and small. I feel like I can do anything, and yet I just want to bask in the beauty around me.

7. What is the most important thing in the world to you?
To be true to who God made me to be.
8. If you had one day to live, how would you want to spend it?
With close friends, saying goodbye.

9. When do you feel most afraid?
When I try to figure out goals for my life and come up empty, or think I can't achieve them.

10. If you could accomplish only one thing during the rest of your life, what would it be?
Publish a book that makes people think about the way they view the world.
11. What bores you? Why is this?
People who opine all the time, and about the same things. I want to hear their opinions once. Then I've got it. Don't need to hear it every time I see you.  Don't you have anything else to think about?  New thoughts?

12. How important is money to you? How much time do you spend thinking about it?
Since I don't have a lot of money (or hardly any at all, really) I think about it a lot, and think about spending it wisely.

13. What is the role of God in your life? Do you believe there is a God, and if so, what is God like in relation to you?
God is instrumental in my life. There is not a moment that goes by that I am not dependent entirely on Him. God's plan for my life is the best possible path, and though it may be painful at times, it's never unbearable, because He gives me the grace to deal with it every day.

14. What three interests are you most passionate about?
Disasters (the issues that arise, helping people mitigate and respond, etc.), Languages and Communication (how people use words and nonverbal language to get messages across), and spiritual relationships (how we deal with each other and our pursuit of God in daily life)

15. Who is your biggest enemy, and precisely how and why did this person become your enemy?
I don't really have any enemies, but there are a few people who I think avoid me.
16. How important is food to you? Do you feel disciplined when it comes to eating?
I need food to survive. I am fairly healthy and try not to eat things that poison my body.

17. Does the idea of being married to the same person for the rest of your life sound appealing to you—or not so appealing? What is there about it that you would especially like or not like?
I would love to find someone to share my life with. But I always wonder if I'm interesting enough, attractive enough, and secure enough to sustain that kind of love. I feel like anyone would get tired of me.

18. Do you consider yourself emotionally healthy? In what ways are you especially healthy, and in what ways could you use improvement?
I am fairly emotionally healthy. However, I sometimes become too dependent on other people in order to determine my self-worth. When they slight me, I feel worthless.

19. Do you argue very much with the people closest to you? How does it usually turn out?
I try not to argue too much. I like a healthy conversation, a good debate, but I'd rather not fight with anyone.
20. What specifically would you like your closest friends to say about you at your funeral?
"She always had a kind word to say."

Rube-Goldberg

In case you don't know, a Rube-Goldberg machine is an incredibly complicated device created to perform a very simple action.  This is probably the best, and most intricate, one I've ever seen:

Photo Series: Kaffee Klatsch

She Looks to the Sky

There's a song that I came across on an album a long time ago.  It's by a singer named Sherri Youngward.  I loved it when I first heard it.  Here are the lyrics:


They say she is loved by the greatest of all
Who have walked in the world
He lives far away still she spends all her days
Content with only his words


She often walks alone
But never is she lonely
You can offer her anything
Her affections are all for Him only


She looks to the sky
As if He is coming down through the clouds up above
Though no one has seen Him you cannot deny
She is drenched in His love


All the day long she sings sweetly
She says He speaks to her mind
She’s only rich with affliction
Yet a bitter word you won’t find


She lives with assurance
He loves her too deeply to let such distance remain
She’s brimming with longing for Him to come calling
And sweep her away

When I first heard this song, I wished I could be like this fictional woman, with her extreme devotion to Jesus.  However, I recently discovered, thanks to a friend's blog, that this woman was not fictional at all.  My friend posted an excerpt from a letter the great preacher Jonathan Edwards wrote about a girl whom he'd heard about and who would later become his wife.  These are those words:

They say there is a young lady in [New Haven] who is loved of that Great Being, who made and rules the world, and that there are certain seasons in which this Great Being, in some way or other invisible, comes to her and fills her mind with exceeding sweet delight; and that she hardly cares for any thing, except to meditate on him - that she expects after a while to be received up where he is, to be raised up out of the world and caught up into heaven; being assured that he loves her too well to let her remain at a distance from him always. There she is to dwell with him, and to be ravished with his love and delight forever. Therefore, if you present all the world before her, with the richest of its treasures, she disregards it and cares not for it, and is unmindful of any pain or affection. She has a strange sweetness in her mind, and singular purity in her affections; is most just and conscientious in all her conduct; and you could not persuade her to do any thing wrong or sinful, if you would give her all the world, lest she should offend this Great Being. She is of a wonderful sweetness, calmness, and universal benevolence of mind; especially after this Great God has manifested himself to her mind. She will sometimes go about from place to place, singing sweetly; and seems to be always full of joy and pleasure; and no one knows for what. She loves to be alone, walking in the fields and groves, and seems to have some one invisible always with her.

He wrote this about her when she was only 13 years old!  the words are too close to the lyrics of the song for them not to be related.  


Now this song has new meaning to me, because I know it was based on a real person.  But somehow, it makes that desire and closeness to Christ seem that much more unattainable.

 

I'm a Geek! I'm a Geek!

Because I'm horribly geeky, I put together my own Geek Code.  This thing was first assembled in 1993 but hasn't been updated in over ten years (since 1996) so it's a bit out of date.  However, it's fun and worth the effort for me.  So here it is!


-----BEGIN GEEK CODE BLOCK-----
Version: 3.12
GS/ED/O d+(-)@ s:>- a- C++ U>+++ P L+ w+ M(+) PS PE++ Y+@ PGP-@ t+(--) !5 X R-(*) tv@(!) b++(+++) DI D- G++ e*++>+++ h>--- r>+++ x?
------END GEEK CODE BLOCK------

A decoder for this can be found here!  Just copy/paste the code in and you'll learn all about me!  (Just FYI, though, this is a bit cumbersome, because of the way the code is put together.  It's not the most user-friendly of systems.  But then again, it was designed for UNIX users.)